So then...

About Me

Welcome to my blog. My pen name is Eva James. I'm an aspiring writer paying the bills working as a legal secretary. Relentlessly bullied by my former boss, I looked for another job but the recession hit. Feeling trapped, I recorded everything in this blog, which serves as a revealing insight into workplace bullying. WEEK 1 starts the story and, as the weeks progress, you'll note what starts as banter soon spirals out of control. Sadly, it's all true. Whilst along the way I've found alternative employment, my passion for blogging about workplace bullying remains. Trevor Griffiths, legendary theatre, TV and film writer said at the outset, "I like the writing a lot: smart, cool, placed. If you were prepared/able to take your prick of a boss on, you'd marmelise him."

Thursday, 22 April 2010

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner II

You’d have thought being away from HOWARD would have a positive effect. The opposite happened. He is still very much in my head telling me what an ugly, fat little loser I am. I’ve been shuffling round in my pyjamas crying, eating Betty Crocker pancakes and believing HOWARD voiced what the world is thinking anyway.

It was getting out of hand. I tried to claw my way out of a sinking depression, but I was lost. Things were black. I was consumed with thoughts of ending it again. Although I reminded myself I’d written for the Guardian on workplace bullying, and been on their panel of experts, it made no difference. Life had no purpose and no hope.

Then I read through my old blogs, telling myself how far I’d come; telling myself I couldn’t give up. When I got to The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner I was reminded of my team mates’ arrogance before and during the race. They were going to beat me. They were men. They were my superiors. They were faster and taller. They’d trained for it.

They told me there was no way I could win. I was a fat, ugly little loser without their training, without their physical strength and experience. As if a secretary could ever win a race against senior solicitors with only three days notice.

But then, of course, I did win.

The more I thought about it, the more hope it gave me. Here we were again, the same old characters – Eva James v HOWARD and the Senior Solicitor. The only difference was this time it isn’t a race, it's a tribunal.

I called my mother and told her I was coming over for a visit. Whilst there, I dug out my “Memories Box” from the attic. I found my old race T-shirt, with my number still on the front. I turned it round and there they were; messages of support from the secretaries who’d wanted me to prove our arrogant bosses wrong.

And there was my favourite message of all; the message HOWARD’S first secretary had black-marker penned across the back.


Its 8.10 am and I’m just back from the gym. Slow and stiff, I plodded away on the treadmill. I’ll go again tomorrow and I’ll get better. After all, if I’m going to win again I need to be in far better shape.

See you soon,

Eva x

1 comment:

Fiona WordsBird said...

You have stamina and more importantly you have EVIDENCE. I'm rooting for you!

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