I’ve had some tough weeks, but last week was the toughest of my life. I almost cracked. I was plagued with Hitchcockesque nightmares in which crows beat their black wings against the windows until they smashed through. I had night sweats, panic attacks and then, after signing the Compromise Agreement, the weight was gone.
My solicitor explained his new concern. He said after nearly two years of hell I would be facing a void almost impossible to fill. I didn’t doubt him. This weekend I planned to put my files of evidence away where I couldn’t see them. It was going to be one hell of an all-time great anti-climatic weekend.
I gave myself a Saturday survival routine; morning run, coffee with my mum, yoga, Ann Lewis’ Recover your Balance exercises, and then I returned from a trip to town to bury all my lever arch evidence files in a storage trunk. I put a smaller storage trunk on top. Then I spring cleaned my little flat from top to bottom. Now that’s what I call cathartic, or um...empty.
I tried watching the Ghana v Australia world cup match. I pulled Ghana in the work-sweepstake, but my many of my blog pals are Australian so I didn’t know who I was rooting for. I didn’t catch the end. I watched some CSI episodes to see what a friend of mine makes such a fuss about. CSI is interesting and clever, sure, but not void filling.
Then I woke up this morning sparkling with a new idea.
I woke up with a title in my head - the title for a workplace bullying book. I turned my computer on and tried it out on a blank page. I loved it and it loved me. I phoned my mum and asked her what she thought of it. She loved it too. She’s my mum – it’s her job to love it. In fact, she sounded like she was crying. It is the first time she’s heard me excited in a while.
I tried writing an introduction and the ideas came tumbling out.
So this is my marvellous HOW-TO-FILL-THE-VOID challenge. Each morning I’m going to set my alarm 1 hour early and write 1,000 words of my book. It doesn’t have to be polished, it just has to be 1,000 words on my workplace bullying ideas and observations, telling it like it is. My aim is to get it written, re-written and polished by the end of October. I don’t know if anyone will be interested in publishing it, but who cares. It’s not something I need to think about at the moment. I’m all about filling the void. And this is fun.
OH MY GOD. I AM HAVING FUN!
See you soon
- Bullied By The Boss
- Welcome to my blog. My pen name is Eva James. I'm an aspiring writer paying the bills working as a legal secretary. Relentlessly bullied by my former boss, I looked for another job but the recession hit. Feeling trapped, I recorded everything in this blog, which serves as a revealing insight into workplace bullying. WEEK 1 starts the story and, as the weeks progress, you'll note what starts as banter soon spirals out of control. Sadly, it's all true. Whilst along the way I've found alternative employment, my passion for blogging about workplace bullying remains. Trevor Griffiths, legendary theatre, TV and film writer said at the outset, "I like the writing a lot: smart, cool, placed. If you were prepared/able to take your prick of a boss on, you'd marmelise him."