So then...

About Me

Welcome to my blog. My pen name is Eva James. I'm an aspiring writer paying the bills working as a legal secretary. Relentlessly bullied by my former boss, I looked for another job but the recession hit. Feeling trapped, I recorded everything in this blog, which serves as a revealing insight into workplace bullying. WEEK 1 starts the story and, as the weeks progress, you'll note what starts as banter soon spirals out of control. Sadly, it's all true. Whilst along the way I've found alternative employment, my passion for blogging about workplace bullying remains. Trevor Griffiths, legendary theatre, TV and film writer said at the outset, "I like the writing a lot: smart, cool, placed. If you were prepared/able to take your prick of a boss on, you'd marmelise him."

Saturday, 2 October 2010

WEEK 103 Sympathy Vote

Sometimes I have this recurring dream about HOWARD.

I dream HOWARD corners me in the street and begs forgiveness for the way he treated me. He admits he took his personal problems out on me and he’s sorry now, now that his troubles are resolved. He’s full of regret.

Emotional and sympathetic, I tell him not to worry about it. I tell him I understand. It’s water under the bridge.

I wake up annoyed at myself. You see, I learnt my lesson in real life. I’m done with making that mistake; sympathising, forgiving – and then being harassed all over again.

Whatever personal or professional troubles HOWARD had at the time – they were more than matched by the one’s he gave me.

He’ll never apologise in real life, but if he did, I like to think I have the maturity to forgive him – this time without an ounce of sympathy. Sympathy implies support.

And any sympathy I have is now reserved for the targets of bullying.

Best wishes

BBTB x

7 comments:

Mr Fan said...

that is so true, everytime i'm nice to my bullyboss I keep on getting more, the next day he bullies and again i'm a little nice, and he will bully more, I should stand up for my self and perhaps he will bully me less, but my situation, i'm sure he will bully me even worse. what do you recommend?

Fighter said...

I only discovered your blog few days ago. I started reading the very first post & have now just finished reading your 103 post. I am now up-to-date & looking forward to more posts from you. How do I find you in Twitter to follow? I am waiting for your new book. Thanks for sharing.

Fighter said...

Mr Fan,
I hope you are recording all the events at work as did the author of this blog.
I understand exactly what you are going through as I too experienced the same.

Mr Fan said...

...unfortunately fighter, I do not record which I think I should & even with a dictaphone. On one hand if I stay it show's i'm adaptable/tolerable but on the other by moving on it can beneficial & refreshing in a new environment.

Bullied By The Boss said...

Hello Fighter, please follow - I'm @bulliedbyboss on Twitter - I'll follow you back.

Thanks so much for reading the posts. I can't believe I've written so many, but then I've a lot to say about workplace bullying! You'll have to tell me your story.

Hello Mr Fan, I'm so pleased you said you understand about the sympathy thing, because this was just my own observation - and I wasn't sure if others went through this.

I think subconsciously bullies can sense the sympathy factor and they believe they've got your 100%support. It's a bit of a misunderstanding in that we all have colleagues, friends and family who we sympathise with - but still don't necessarily approve of everything they do.

I'd try behaving courteously but being distant with it. I tried this and it works when taken slowly. It's not easy though. If you snap and stand up for yourself too much after being so nice - your bully can accuse you of being moody.

Gently does it.

Fighter said...

Hi Eva, I'm following you on twitter. FighterSurvives.

Bullied By The Boss said...

Thanks for the follow Fighter, I'm going to follow back x

Bottom Swirl