So then...

About Me

Welcome to my blog. My pen name is Eva James. I'm an aspiring writer paying the bills working as a legal secretary. Relentlessly bullied by my former boss, I looked for another job but the recession hit. Feeling trapped, I recorded everything in this blog, which serves as a revealing insight into workplace bullying. WEEK 1 starts the story and, as the weeks progress, you'll note what starts as banter soon spirals out of control. Sadly, it's all true. Whilst along the way I've found alternative employment, my passion for blogging about workplace bullying remains. Trevor Griffiths, legendary theatre, TV and film writer said at the outset, "I like the writing a lot: smart, cool, placed. If you were prepared/able to take your prick of a boss on, you'd marmelise him."

Sunday, 18 September 2011

WEEK 191 Bomb Disposal

Last week was a toughey.

Writing’s therapy. But like all things that are very good for you (vigorous exercise and healthy diets etc) it’s not necessarily pleasant.

I’m in the middle of a massive re-write of my workplace bullying book. I realised that just because I’m anonymous, doesn’t mean the reader can’t get to know me. I’m now wearing my heart on my sleeve for what is part workplace bullying memoir and part self-help. There’s nothing like it currently on the market, but it comes at quite an emotional price.

As part of the editing process, I had to go back through my documents and reconnect who I was when I was working with Howard. I had to relive my most uncomfortable moments and consider them again for the reader. I did, and the book is greater for it, but I crashed again. I cried all night the first evening. I barely held it together in work. On Wednesday I had another of my terrible headaches. I felt sick and constantly on the verge of tears.

As I calm down and make headway with my manuscript, it amazes me that Howard’s jokes which started three years ago in the autumn of 2008, still do so much damage. How many of us underestimate the long term effects of workplace bullying? We all do, surely! We all figure our problems will be solved the minute we leave the bully behind and start a new job. The minute our external problem is resolved, we think it’s dealt with.

We mustn’t underestimate the internal problems. It may be easier to bottle it all up and pretend it’s gone away, but if we don’t deal with it by talking or writing, at some point our bully might start attacking us again from the inside out.

Can you imagine what state I’d be in if I hadn’t have written the blog or the book? What shape would I be in had I not expressed myself and got my grief and anger out in manageable stages? Quite easily I could have buried it and pretended I was over it all, but it would have been sat there like a psychological time bomb.

The emotional damage from workplace bullying takes a long time to defuse. Make sure you dispose of it safely.

Best wishes

BBTB x

1 comment:

nat said...

Its hard to ever forget bullying. When you have it happen to you in school, outside on the way home from school, in your own family - and then at workplace after workplace...how do you let it go? I never forget things that were said. They say let go of the "negative loop" dont let it play over and over in your mind. Funny how easy it is to forget, to fall into the trap, to allow others to bully, bulldoze, treat you like you are less than a person. I just wanted to say I know how you feel - and bullying is killing people daily. Thanks for sharing your story with the world. It helps the rest of us get braver.

Bottom Swirl