So then...

About Me

Welcome to my blog. My pen name is Eva James. I'm an aspiring writer paying the bills working as a legal secretary. Relentlessly bullied by my former boss, I looked for another job but the recession hit. Feeling trapped, I recorded everything in this blog, which serves as a revealing insight into workplace bullying. WEEK 1 starts the story and, as the weeks progress, you'll note what starts as banter soon spirals out of control. Sadly, it's all true. Whilst along the way I've found alternative employment, my passion for blogging about workplace bullying remains. Trevor Griffiths, legendary theatre, TV and film writer said at the outset, "I like the writing a lot: smart, cool, placed. If you were prepared/able to take your prick of a boss on, you'd marmelise him."

Saturday, 8 September 2012

WEEK 243 Around the Corner

Two weeks ago something happened that I’d come to think never would.

I saw Howard.

As I visited my local shops, I was surprised to see Howard as I came around a corner. He didn’t see me, being a little way down the street. He was loitering by my local gym. And he looked lost. What was he doing there? Was he was deliberately trying to run into me or was he was uncomfortable about being so close to one of my haunts?

Who knows?

I coped rather well. I surprised myself. Good luck to him, I thought. I’m over it

But that was until a few personal difficulties arose with loved ones this week. I’m still hypersensitive to anxiety. Even years later, an upset in my private life leaves me feeling hopeless and scared. I’m exhausted. I can’t relax. The panic attacks come back. I can’t sleep or I’m suffering with night sweats/nightmares. I find it impossible to concentrate.

Howard isn’t the problem. That’s how I could calmly watch him for a few minutes as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, moved down the street and frowned at the properties in an estate agent’s window. It was like poking a bruise and realising it no longer hurts. I was struck to find it wasn’t the least bit upsetting.

So what is evidently a problem is the emotional touch paper he’s left me with. It’s the buttons in my head that loved ones can inadvertently press to cause a meltdown.

Can we fix the damage caused by workplace bullying?

It’s a slow old process, but I’m still hopeful. You never know what’s round the corner; sometimes it’s Howard, sometimes it’s heartbreak and with teacher training only two weeks away – sometimes it’s a new start.

Very best


Andy Platt said...

Recognise those feelings of hypersensitivity. dunno how I'd cope with seeing the manager who messed me up.

Last time I saw her was at the Employment Tribunal where I successfully demonstrated some of her lies. But that's not the same as seeing them in the wild.

Hey ho, starting new counseling next week...

Warrior Day said...

My company keep bringing my bully boss back into the office for cosy chats.

I thought I was weak for feeling panic and sickness just seeing her.

I'm starting a new session of counselling. Enjoy your teacher training, I'm sure you'll be terrific.

redrider said...

I still have nightmares about the people involved and have a feeling this will stay with me for a very long time. How will i feel when I meet them again? Don't know - will require great self control.

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