Bullied By the Boss

WEEK 211 The Policy Problem

2012-01-28T06:40:00.002Z

Yesterday morning, I was kindly invited to discuss my workplace bullying experiences on BBC Radio York.

Below is the link to my stint on the Adam Tomlinson show. The interview is about 1 hour and 16 minutes in. I hope I come across okay. Apologies if I sound a bit nervous. Probably for this reason, I can’t remember a thing I said now.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00mzhpp/Adam_Tomlinson_27_01_2012/

There’s a mention at the end of the interview about bullying within the Police, and this got me thinking. The Police, like the NHS and other large, well established organisations all have weighty anti-bullying policies, which were published years ago.

I’ve long said that companies use these policies to absolve them of ever thinking about workplace bullying again. But, I realised, it goes further than that. The minute an organisation publishes a document saying they don’t condone workplace bullying - they tend to go to any lengths to make sure none of their staff speak out to contradict it.

As far as the majority of firms are concerned, this is an effective way of dealing with workplace bullying. Make sure you publicly state you don’t condone bullying – and then shut down anyone who says its happening to them. Simple!

It’s an insane way of dealing with workplace bullying, but the whole country seems to have adopted the model. The system meant to protect is punishing people instead.

No wonder the Police are complaining. These anti-bullying policies and procedures are looking more and more like a tool for the corrupt.

Let me know what you think.

Very best

BBTB

WEEK 210 Contagion

2012-01-22T07:47:00.001Z

Lost for words as I was last week, I had mixed feelings when I heard my friend walked out of her job on Monday.

A part of me cheered. She had refused to tolerate her colleague’s hostile silent treatment for a moment longer. Good for her! Another part of me was angry at yet another hard worker plunged into unemployment after a weekend of unspeakable anxiety about returning to work.

My friend contacted the employment agency who’d found her the job and explained her reasons for walking out. Sadly, she discovered that she wasn’t the first to phone.

Her former employers had already called. They demanded their initial agency payment back on the grounds that the agency had delivered somebody unstable. They implied that her recent illness (pneumonia) was simply a part of a larger (mental) problem.

The whole thing is textbook workplace bullying. This is what happens 99% of the time. Someone gets bullied and their company goes to any lengths to broadcast how it’s all in the target’s head.

The agency is on the case to find her something else. And the same agency will send her former employer a replacement for my friend. But what the person replacing my friend won’t know is that, if things don’t work out for them, it’s not because of any fault of the company, but that there seems to be a contagious psychological virus going around.

And sadly, this appears more believable than workplace bullying.

Very best

BBTB

WEEK 209 The Sound of Silence

2012-01-14T07:29:00.000Z

This week, I’ve been witnessing a different kind of bullying than I was used to.

A friend of mine started a job a few months before Christmas. She quickly made friends and was happy with her position, sharing a room with a senior colleague.

Although generally young and healthy, she came down with a bout of pneumonia. As we’re often apt to do, she returned to work too early, a week later than scheduled after the Christmas break.

Her colleague, furious that she had to carry the workload whilst she was ill, has declined to talk to her since. And it’s not simply curt responses – but a pointed and unrelenting stony silence.

I’ve seen a marked change in my friend. Yesterday, as I witnessed her colleague snub her in the street at lunch, I also saw how completely exhausted my friend is. Her recovery from her illness is just a part of it. She confessed she was tired of trying to break the ice and increasingly anxious as to how long ‘Coventry’ would last.

She’s in a precarious position. Some colleagues will capitalise on anything – especially sickness – to begin bullying someone. It’s cowardice at its worst. Most companies, having zero tolerance on ill-health (whatever they tell you) will particularly turn a blind eye to a target being bullied if they’ve recently taken sick leave.

And I’m shocked at how destructive being frozen out and completely ignored is. Not that I didn’t realise it’s a handy tool of the bully, but having seen the recent effect on my friend – I’d put it at the forefront of the worst kind of bullying. It can be every bit as aggressive as insulting banter or being micro-managed by a tyrant and its 10 times harder to prove.

You think you’ve seen it all – and then you’re witness to a another kind of hostility in the workplace.

And even I’m lost for words.

Very best

BBTB

WEEK 208 Step Ahead

2012-01-07T07:15:00.000Z

My workplace bullying book will be on Amazon in about 6 weeks.

Hurrah!

The experts loved it, save for a query about whether the section on where we stand legally is necessary.

I gave it some thought, but it’s written on my own personal experience – and my experience tells me this section is fundamental.

When you’re targeted by a workplace bully, it’s the start of a long and painful psychological journey. You try to identify why it’s happening. You wonder whether it’s your fault. You try being nicer or standing up for yourself. As time goes by, maybe you realise you’re not getting anywhere. Things are getting harder. And at some point, you tell yourself you can’t take any more.

You bravely escalate the matter to HR. Then you wait. You fret a bit about what will happen. Will HR help? Will they speak to the bully? Time passes, and you realise HR have done nothing. Or perhaps you’ve been counter-accused of being oversensitive.

All the while the bullying continues, but now your bully really has it in for you because you complained to HR about them.

Then things really go wrong. You lose your job or you’re forced to walk out. Things are desperate. You never wanted it to come to this – but you must to do something. You find a firm of solicitors, because your bully shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it.

And then your solicitor tells you how you haven’t really got a leg to stand on. You haven’t got enough evidence and what little you have is time barred or doesn’t show discrimination on protected grounds. The legal fees are enormous and at best they may be able to get you a month’s pay. You realise your former firm has won.

As I said, workplace bullying is the start of a long and painful psychological journey. At first, we’re passive and inward looking. At the end, we’re angry and outward looking. And this angry, outward looking point is every bit as painful as the start. We know who is responsible for our injury and we search for justice. Our anger empowers us after months or years of being trodden on and abused. And when the law lets you down, there’s nothing but anger left. It's all consuming.

So that’s why I’ve included the law in the book. It’s so you know what to expect and you can make choices accordingly. Sure, not everyone will need the legal help, but the book is for anyone who is going through workplace bullying – from the first time it happens to how to approach things if you’re taking your firm to a Tribunal.

It’s all part of the long and painful journey started by that one bully in work.

I’m trying to put you a step ahead, however far along the road you are.

Very best

BBTB

WEEK 207 Invitation

2011-12-31T08:48:00.002Z

Invitation

Eva James requests the pleasure of your company to raise awareness of workplace bullying and celebrate the launch of her groundbreaking self-help book:-

Bullied by the Boss

8.30am – 10.30am, Monday 26^th March 2012, Canary Wharf, London.

Entertainment will be provided. You're welcome to just come and watch if you're in the area.

If you would like to actually join Eva James in handing out flyers on the day and receive a free goody-bag of thanks on the morning of the 26^th March 2012 do RSVP: bulliedbytheboss@gmail.com

Very best
BBTB

WEEK 206 Grand Designs

2011-12-24T10:45:00.001Z

Season’s Greetings!

Hurrah! I got my workplace bullying book off to the publishers in time, so I can relax over Christmas.

Still, I feel like those couples on Grand Designs. You know the ones – where they start out telling Kevin McCloud their budget and insisting that they’ll have their derelict property renovated and beautifully restored by Christmas. Kevin McCloud, standing out of earshot, raises an eyebrow and tells the camera he applauds their optimism – but thinks they’re completely crazy.

Then, something like two and a half years later, having spent three times their budget and applied to the bank for a bigger mortgage, the older and wiser couple move in and confess to Kevin the many ways in which their project was compromised.

So, seeing out 2011 older and wiser, I’m looking forward to my book being finally on sale around February 2012. That’s not the end of it, of course. After all this effort – I’m going to have to have a fabulous launch. It’s another of my Grand Designs; already wildly over budget and highly ambitious.

I’ll reveal all after Christmas.

For now, I’ll just say if you’re anywhere near London on the morning of Monday 26th March 2012 – and you particularly dislike workplace bullying - you might want to keep it clear. I’ve got something fun planned.

In the meantime, I’m wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Thanks for all your support in 2011!

Very best

BBTB

WEEK 205 Kung Fu Panda

2011-12-18T06:46:00.000Z

Maybe it’s just Christmas sentiment, but it’s been a strange old week.

Having given up on employment law paralegal training and having lost the battle for getting my workplace bullying book published this side of Christmas, I contented myself with buying the Radio Times, circling the movies I’m going to watch and stocking up on festive food.

I thought it was all winding down until my boss called me into his office. ‘I’m taking you to the Employment Tribunal tomorrow’ he said. He wanted me to take notes in a fascinating case.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

On the one hand, the idea of watching my boss defend an employer accused of bullying at Tribunal after everything I went through with Howard was weird. On the other hand, I’d long wondered what it was like there. I’d visited vicariously through the tales of our lawyers and through hundreds of typed attendance notes. To go there would be like some sort of priceless workplace bullying research trip.

Tribunals are public, of course, so I could have gone at any point, but this meant I was familiar with the case and all the people involved. It was a backstage pass to the theatre.

The next day, I curled my hair and polished my shoes. I took my best handbag.

At the Tribunal, the hearings were running late. ‘We’ll grab a coffee’ my boss said. Ten minutes later, I was perched on a chair in Costa coffee as my boss went to the counter. ‘I got this for you too’, he said, returning with a neat slice of Christmas cake. I felt a crushing sense of guilt. If he knew how deep my interest ran in workplace bullying I guess he’d be throwing that cake at me, let alone offering me a guided tour of the Employment Tribunal.

He chatted about interesting employment cases he’d been involved in and told me about his family. It was the first time we’d talked properly. He’s a genuinely nice guy with the most interesting legal background.

Back at the Tribunal, sat in the Respondents’ waiting room, my thoughts were on the Claimants sat on the other side of the wall. I took in everything.

The Pre-Hearing Review we attended was every bit as interesting as promised. The Judge was patient with the Claimant who was representing herself. In fact, the Employment Judge reminded me of a GP, objectively listening to a range of symptoms and writing a prescription for how to manage and treat the case from thereon in the run up to the final hearing in the New Year.

Afterwards, my boss took me for lunch. He asked how long I’d been working for him. Making small talk, he asked whether I still had any contact with anyone from my previous firm. I almost laughed. He’s forgotten that I arrived almost two years ago without references and so shut down that I barely spoke.

‘So what did you think?’ he asked of my trip to the Tribunal. I told him how interesting I’d found it. ‘You think that was interesting?’ he asked. ‘That was dull compared to some of them. I’ll take you to some big cases!’

It’s by far my most surreal day of 2011. In a year where nothing worked out like I wanted, it left me with the feeling that I’m still on the right track.

As Oogway says in Kung Fu Panda: ‘There are no accidents’.

That’s one film I’ll be watching over Christmas.

Best wishes

BBTB

WEEK 204 As Good as a Rest

2011-12-11T06:45:00.000Z

Quite out of the blue, Ollie’s ex secretary phoned.

After 8 months of unemployment, she’s found a job and she’s happy.

I didn’t have much to report. Worn out, I’m just longing for the Christmas holidays and a chance to recharge my batteries.

The conversation turned to our former firm. She thinks something’s in the wind; a possible new claim against them in the Employment Tribunal. She wondered if there was a way to find out. I didn’t think so, but said I’d do a Google search and see if anything came up.

We finished the conversation agreeing to meet up nearer Christmas, as we did last year, for mince pies and mulled wine in her garden. She’ll burn kindling in her BBQ bucket again. We’ll have a proper catch up.

I haven’t looked at my former firm’s website since I left. They’ve had a redesign; offering a couple of new services. They appear to be doing well. What shocked me, however, is that Howard is still there. His photo and profile have been updated. After everything that went on, they still employ him.

I genuinely believed that when they found out the extent of the bullying, they would quietly get rid of him.

Not the case.

And almost two years on, the gory details will have faded. Howard and his pals will have come to believe the BS of their legal defence against me. They’ll refer to me (as they did everyone who tried to make a stand) as a lonely, malicious secretary who was out to extort money from her employer.

So my attempt to take them to a Tribunal changed absolutely nothing.

Up to the point of Googling their website, I was tired – mostly of being ignored. It’s hard to make a difference. But after seeing how much my former firm have supported Howard. I feel energetic again. They say change is as good as a rest, but this time no change is as good as a rest. I obviously need to work harder.

My workplace bullying book will be out in March 2012 and I’m going to move heaven and earth to make it a success. I’ll commit whatever it takes in terms of time and money! Details of the launch will be coming soon.

At some point, employers are going to have to sit up and listen.

Best wishes

BBTB

WEEK 203 Riot Act

2011-12-03T08:13:00.000Z

In the last couple of weeks you can’t fail to have noticed Vince Cable’s latest attack on employment rights.

James Chapman wrote in the Daily Mail on Wednesday:

‘Emergency measures to kick-start Britain’s faltering economic recovery by reining in a £1 billion a year employment tribunal bonanza will be unveiled today’.

Vince Cable, it was announced, plans to cut the number of Tribunal claims by a quarter – by making sackings easier, allowing firms to ‘read the riot act’ to underperforming staff and even remove rights to a Tribunal hearing altogether.

Allowing bosses to ‘read the riot act’ is surely giving carte blanche to companies to bully staff. But, of course, it’s all played up under the guise of helping our poor UK businesses recover. Vince Cable would have us believe it’s the employees and their employment rights causing all the problems. If it weren’t for this, business would be booming. Legal actions, causing distraction and wasting time and money, would be a thing of the past.

But would it?

No. Commercial litigation is booming! Businesses are well used to defending themselves in Court on corporate matters. They’re issuing statutory demands, summonses and countersuing. Then there are the lawyers that find the tax loopholes and disputes about VAT. Nobody in business wants to be seen to be taken for a ride. Nobody in business wants to pay a penny to someone they don’t have to.

Blaming employees isn’t going to make a scrap of difference apart from reinforcing the ‘them and us’ dynamic that’s so harmful to business. Business is having a tough time, but creating an imaginary, diversionary enemy of the UK workforce is hardly going to help matters.

As for Vince Cable’s ‘riot act’ – I wish his boss would read him one.

Best wishes

BBTB

WEEK 202 A World Full of Yes!

2011-11-26T07:20:00.001Z

I have this dream that one day I’m going to blog about how everything fell into place.

The reality is, whilst I’m gaining workplace bullying ground, there’s nothing graceful about it. I’m wrestling my way toward progress. This week was particularly tough.

In the words of Roxie Hart: ‘I got me a world full of no!’

The employment law paralegal training my boss had been so keen on back in July failed to materialise, despite my email reminders. Last Tuesday, my boss finally explained that in-house training was pulled for the foreseeable future.

The gloom wasn’t even restricted to my day job.

My letters to various ‘legal eagles’ for testimonials were, I presume, sat in someone’s post tray for a month before a curt ‘no’ being emailed across and my letter thrown in the bin.

Of the workplace bullying expert testimonials I’ve requested, I’ve received only one so far.

My emails to London PR firms were universally ignored. A friend on Twitter had to come to my rescue and kindly put me in touch with a PR contact of hers.

Self-publishing, I’m told, is supposed to be faster, but this is looking like an uphill battle. This weekend, I’m patching myself up and anticipating a world full of yes next week. And if it’s not, I’m going publish as soon as possible with or without endorsement.

I’m sure my readers will let me know if it’s any good or not. And, after all, they’re the ones I wrote it for.

Best wishes
BBTB

WEEK 201 Slow Burn

2011-11-20T07:50:00.000Z

I’ve been saying it for years - when a company has significant problems, look to the man or woman in charge. This, of course, is at odds with the usual message from the press and government. You know the one - where every employee who claims to have been bullied is presumed to be simply compensation hungry and litigant happy.

But this week, a central London Tribunal heard how a multi-billion-pound firm was brought to its knees by a city bully.

Mr Duffield was well known as the CEO of fund manager firm New Star Asset Management, but he was known for something else too.

As Jonathan Russell wrote in the Telegraph:

‘The Central London Employment Tribunal heard how Mr Duffield called employees "morons and criminals" and asked them whether they were ashamed of themselves if their funds under-performed’

The Tribunal also heard that when a colleague accused Mr Duffield of bullying, the member of staff was labelled ‘emotionally disturbed’ and sacked. Mr Duffield also had a history of bullying young women. He’d settled a prior claim for sexual harassment in the early 90s. He had a reputation for prowling floors and barking at his staff. But presumably, Mr Duffield’s business partners and associates believed his business skills outweighed any negative personality traits.

They were wrong.

The case continues in the Tribunal, but what doesn’t continue is the trading of the company. The firm collapsed. It’s claimed that Mr Duffield’s toxic work environment had a great deal to do with that.

It’s an extreme example of how workplace bullying harms a company, but this situation is being played out countless firms in the UK. It’s just happening at a slower rate.

I’d be interested to see how often the slow burn of workplace bullying from a profit making CEO eventually leaves a company in ashes. And I bet those numbers are far greater than the press or the government would have us believe.

Best wishes

BBTB

WEEK 200 Twelve Percent

2011-11-13T07:54:00.002Z

Jogging past the Senior Solicitor from my old firm threw me off balance last week.

My Water Under the Bridge blog was a little premature because the incident caused more than one spell of water works. Initially, I was pleased I’d carried myself with dignity, but following our crossing of paths I kept recalling awful bullying incidents from my old firm. It culminated in my bursting into tears in front of my new boss – much to his surprise. Choking and sobbing, I apologised and ran off the toilet.

‘You’re only human’, I told myself.

Feeling down, I went to ‘hot yoga’, listened to my affirmations, and threw myself into work and activities like Twitter, which is where a Twitter friend (@pprmintpatty28) asked me to look into mobbing. I’d heard of it, but wasn’t sure exactly what it entailed.

Professor Heinz Leymann invented the term. It means:

‘Hostile and unethical communication which is directed in a systematic manner by one or more individuals, mainly towards one individual, who, due to mobbing, is pushed into a helpless and defenceless position and held there by means of continuing mobbing activities.’

I may not have used the definition myself, but I know exactly what mobbing means.

I’ve always referred to it as dehumanisation (as it’s known in armed conflict), where the aggressor convinces himself and everyone else that the target is sub-human and beyond the bounds of human decency. It’s far easier to commit atrocities when you convince yourself the target has nothing in their makeup that’s redeeming.

I’m sure my delayed but overwhelming emotional reaction was because the Senior Solicitor himself, together with Howard and the Practice Manager, had been involved in the mobbing/dehumanisation. Indeed, my desk was eventually positioned in the centre of their three desks.

As I said, it’s a psychological technique used in armed conflict (see my Sticks and Stones blog at WEEK 37). Professor Leymann writes:

“Not infrequently, mobbing spelled the end of the target’s career, marriage, health and livelihood. From a study of circumstances surrounding suicides in Sweden, Leyman estimated that about twelve per cent of people who take their own lives have recently been mobbed at work”.

Hand on heart, I can believe it. Twice, I stood on the brink of joining that twelve per cent.

The most dangerous stage of this most extreme form of workplace bullying is when the target begins to accept the majority opinion. It’s when you question whether they must be right. They’ll convince you your objections are unfounded. The collective will persuade you that there's something badly wrong with you. They’ll assure you they’re just telling you the truth – for your own good.

And you begin to believe them.

It takes years to overcome this kind of emotional abuse. Even when I convince myself I’m fine – it just takes a close encounter to bring it all back. But perhaps it’s timely. This is my 200th blog and I’m considering what I can do to celebrate the launch of my workplace bullying book early next year. I’ll be pulling out all the stops to raise awareness of workplace bullying.

Whatever I can throw at it in terms of time and money I will.

I’ll be remembering the twelve percent come 2012!

Best wishes

BBTB

WEEK 199 Water Under the Bridge

2011-11-07T07:27:00.000Z

On Sunday mornings, I run.

Come rain or shine, I’ll jam myself into my trainers and head for the lake.

Yesterday morning, it wasn’t hard to motivate myself. It was textbook autumn; my favourite time of year.

I ran down to the playing fields, here and there still studded with the black stalks of the previous night’s rockets and fireworks. Then I followed the stream, crossing at the bridge where the stream bed on either side was a glittering mosaic. Autumns leaves were everywhere; covering metallic green grass with gold and red. Distant church bells cut through the silence.

Runners smiled as they jogged past on the popular route, as if to say: ‘Those in bed don’t know what they’re missing’.

The lake is popular.

And then it happened. I knew our paths would cross some day, because we both enjoy running.

The Senior Solicitor from my old firm was jogging towards me.

This was the guy who helped cover up Howard’s bullying. He was the one who lied in the ET3 by implying I was the one virtually stalking Howard. The only mitigating factor was that I’d heard from my own solicitor that this guy felt pretty bad about it all afterwards. I don’t know how true this is, but that’s the way I heard it.

I could see it in the guy’s face. ‘Eva’, he said ‘Are you alright?’

What did I do? Did I cry? Did I run away? Did I scream at him? The times I’ve imagined I might do one or all of these things!

No, I threw him a smile and said cordially ‘Good Morning’.

It was a huge test for me. The importance of it lies in the fact that it proves my interest now lies with workplace bullying as a whole and with your experience. My experience, thankfully, is past.

The main thing is to get you to a place where, if you were to pass your bully or those covering for him or her in the street, you can also say its all water under the bridge.

Best wishes
BBTB

WEEK 198 Trump Card

2011-11-02T17:52:00.000Z

I've read the same statistic twice this week from various sources:

'Statistics show that around 80% of employment claims do not go to a full hearing'.

First, this was quoted in connection with Adrian Beecroft's leaked attack on employees last week. Then it turned up in a promotional pack for a lawyer touting anti-Claimant seminars.

Read out of context, of course, it implies that 80% of claims lodged are unjustified or bogus.

The true picture, however, is that the legal system throws everything they can at Claimants to encourage settlement. I have no problem with this as such, because going to Court can be hugely expensive and stressful. Also, it rarely brings the kind of justice people really want – the sort where the bully ends up crying and apologising from the witness box. But to then exploit settlement figures to paint a picture of litigant hungry employees is fundamentally wrong.

This was further demonstrated by a lady who got in contact with me this week to ask for my advice.

Having lost her job after an unpleasant case of racial bullying, my anonymous friend had secured Legal Aid. She was determined to go to trial and asked her panel solicitor at the outset: 'Will this cost me anything?' Her solicitor assured her it would not. As time went on, her solicitor tried everything to tempt her to settle. She was resolute. She wanted her day in Court. Then, a week before the hearing, her solicitor said: 'Do you have the money for a barrister? It's going to cost you £750.'

The poor lady was distraught. She did't have the money.

This happened to me, of course, written about in my blog 'Impossible Causes'. Back in the summer of 2010 I faced the same previously unmentioned, insurmountable hurdle of barrister's fees, quoted at the last minute, in the region of £10,000.

There is, of course, no reason why her solicitor couldn't represent her at the informal Employment Tribunal. Equally, there was no real reason why my solicitor couldn't have represented me either. In the end, she decided to ask for an adjournment until she could raise the money.

I now wonder how often solicitors use barrister's fees as their 'trump card' to get their own way. It's not really surprising, therefore, that I'm annoyed that this 80% settlement figure is used as an indication of money-grabbing fraudsters, when more often that not, it's the Claimant's inability to raise any money at all which forces settlement.

Best wishes

BBTB

WEEK 197 Speak for Yourself

2011-10-26T17:51:00.000+01:00

Like many others today, I was shocked by the leaked 'Unfair Dismissal' report written by Tory toff, Adrian Beecroft. It reads like the worst sort of scaremongering propaganda. Employees are painted as compensation vultures. They're lazy. They're out to exploit the gravy train compensation system.

Beecroft thinks UK employees are so bad, it's our collective fault we're not leaping out of recession.

Also included in the report is the bizarre notion that firms are terrified to expand because hiring new staff is like Russian roulette. Look at a new staff member the wrong way, he implies, and they'll sue for every penny. Beecroft's assertion is all the more strange since the government has recently changed employment law to mean employees now have to have been employed for 2 years before they're able to allege unfair dismissal. Thus his UK employer expansion worry idea is completely contradicted.

The sad thing is that whilst employers are given more and more power, they are constantly fed stories about rotten employees, milking the system and bringing businesses and the economy to near ruin. Even the most sensible and good-willing employer must be starting to look at their employees with suspicion.

And bad employers are completely off the hook in the report. There's no comment on CEOs who run shoddy businesses. There's no mention of workplace bullying, stress, horrendous hours or inadequate training etc.

Where does Beecroft's attitude come from, I wonder? I get the sense that there's more than just Tory philosophy talking. Beecroft seems very sure of himself. I'm just throwing this out there, but perhaps Adrian Beecroft is projecting his own work ethic onto the general public?

Perhaps that's why, thank God, his advice isn't being acted upon. If I'm right, he'll be too workshy to do anything but talk about it. My advice to Beecroft as an employee is:-

"Speak for yourself!"

Best wishes

BBTB

WEEK 196 Wishful Thinking

2011-10-24T06:45:00.000+01:00

I came across an interesting article last week called “What Works to End Bullying” by K J Dellantonia.

The article focussed on research into school bullying by a noted sociologist, Robert Faris, and Anderson Cooper from CNN. The results, sadly, were pretty depressing, but what caught my attention was that amongst their findings they found an over-focus of anti-bullying programmes routinely attempting to alter the
perceptions of those being bullied rather than the perceptions of the bullies.

Looking at the employment world, there are plenty of guidelines for the targets of workplace bullying, such as the ACAS Code of Practice. If you’re bullied at work – there are rules to be obeyed and office politics to take into consideration. If you fail to follow these rules and end up lodging a claim in a Tribunal – they can actually deduct up to 25% of your final compensation award. Sure, if your company doesn’t play by the rules, they might be penalised too, but again, that’s your company – not the individual bully.

Bullies, on the other hand, don’t play by the rules – and that’s fine, apparently. There are no guidelines for putting a bully back on the right track. No company is going to openly admit they have a problem with workplace bullying it and therefore they'll only deal with those targeted. Let’s change their perceptions, the company thinks. They are the complaining party, so that’s the easier option.

What they're effectively saying is that bullies don’t need more angst – they probably just need more support! The problem is, of course, their problem is our problem.

You can kind of see what they're saying. If we stop complaining and help the bully – then there is no bullying. There’s just harmony…lots of peace and harmony.

They wish!

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 195 Can't Beat 'Em?

2011-10-17T06:41:00.001+01:00

Behind the chipper Twitter exterior, I’ve been pretty low this week.

The second publisher falling through was a real knock. Having worked so hard on my workplace bullying book, I couldn’t understand where I was going wrong. Obviously, I could hook the fish, but yet again I’d failed to get it in the net.

Then there was the legal training I’d asked for – months ago. My boss was excited when I’d initially asked him. Despite e-mail reminders, nothing had come of it.

So I’ve been in a bit of a funk; feeling sorry for myself and throwing a pity party. “What’s the point?” I asked myself. I’m a victim – of a publisher’s random change of heart; of recessionary cutbacks in training and of general misfortune.

I did snap out of it. Of course I did!

A Twitter friend of mine, @Fiona_WordsBird, who happens to be an editor, offered to give my book a final edit before I self-publish. I found a great cover designer. I also decided if my boss doesn’t fund my course, I’ll pay for my own employment law studies in night school, in the New Year.

All this made me think of an apt phrase from Susan Jeffers’ famous book “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway”:-

“What am I expecting others to do for me that I could be doing for myself?”

It’s hard to get over these psychological slumps whether they're caused by workplace bullying or publishing setbacks, but if we adopt a position of ‘victim’ we are both giving up and beating ourselves up about it. There are enough people out there who’ll give us a tough time without us lending them a hand.

When others are letting us down, we must be wary of thinking “If you can’t beat ‘em, join em” because that’s exactly what we want them to think when they look at the example we set!

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 194 Indian Summer

2011-10-09T13:45:00.001+01:00

I’m back from catching the tail end of an Indian summer in Paris.

It was heaven!

Not so heavenly was returning to a lukewarm, week late e-mail from my potential publisher. She had reservations. Overall, I think she wanted my workplace bullying book to be less personal; a more generic self-help book. Au contraire, I thought. That’s the exact opposite of what my American editor recommended. She said make it more personal.

The publisher was unenthusiastic and suggested I might want to re-write – although she wasn’t guaranteeing she’d like it any more after that.

Here was the crux of it. I got the impression she didn’t like the blog. She didn’t believe people would be interested. They just want a regular self help book with none of that “Hey, I went through it too” malarky. It all came down to a difference of opinion.

The good news is, by self-publishing, my book should finally be out within a month or two. When it is, I'm sure it'll feel like my own Indian summer.

I’ll keep you posted.

A bientot!

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 193 The Contestant

2011-10-02T06:36:00.000+01:00

It’s a little ironic that after working for horrible Howard, I landed on my feet working for an employment lawyer.

My firm is corporate – in that we represent more corporate employers than we do individual employees. As you’ll appreciate, when we do act for employees, I go out of my way to offer what small support I can.

I may have gone a little far.

During a phone call to my boss a couple of weeks ago, one of our employee clients began waxing lyrical about how wonderful I was. Later, scratching his head in confusion, my boss repeated her comments. It seemed strange to him that I was, at least for this client, I was a secretarial shoulder to cry on.

Then, when the client came in for a meeting and a female solicitor said hello, she jumped up in front of my boss and said “Are you Eva? I was hoping to meet you!” “No” explained the female solicitor, bemused.

“She’s a tower of strength!” she announced to my colleagues.

I couldn’t help smiling when they told me later. They now refer to her as my ‘best friend’. And now more employees are being called my ‘best friend’ – even when they’re on the other side of the litigation. You see, when they’re representing themselves, we have to contact them direct. “You can phone him,” I’m instructed. “He’s best friends with you”.

It’s not that I’m over friendly – which is why my boss can’t work out why I’m so popular sometimes. It’s just that I’ve been there myself. I know what they’re going through. How a party to litigation feels about their legal position is irrelevant to most lawyers. But I wonder now whether this is simply a lack of understanding about how scared and anxious their individual clients often are. It’s true that nothing compares with first-hand experience. As Professor Zimbardo wrote in The Lucifer Effect:-

“It is the difference between being an audience member at a game show and being the contestant on stage.”

I may not be on stage anymore, but I’m certainly seeing everything from the front row.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 192 A Lesson in Workplace Bullying

2011-09-25T08:25:00.000+01:00

This week, a solicitor I work with was pleased to receive an invite to sit on the Board of Governors for a local school. She left work early to attend her first meeting.

When I asked her the how it went following day, she said it had been an interesting night. After a meeting of strange nuances and undercurrents, she was handed a report to read. Glancing through it, it seemed little more than page after page of management speak and waffle. She wondered if it was trying to conceal something. Her legal instincts were spot on. Half way through, buried deep within the jargon, there was a line about the problem of teacher on teacher bullying at the school. Apparently, it’s been a real headache.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard about staff bullying being prolific in schools. So I looked into it.

The Association of Teachers and Lecturers recently commissioned a report on this very thing – with disturbing findings. In a survey of 900 schools, they found it’s far more likely for a teacher to be bullied by a senior member of staff than pupils or parents. One third of teachers have experienced bullying by a head teacher or senior member of staff. A third of teachers knew colleagues who’d left their jobs due to staff bullying. 30% of those bullied considered admitted they’d considered quitting teaching for good.

The ATL attributed this phenomenon to the pressures of the job. Head teachers and senior staff were reported as the major culprits, insulting their colleagues or talking to them like children. The anxiety and stress of the job starts at the top and gets passed down the ranks.

But what seems to be missing in these reports is the fact that at the bottom of the school system are the pupils themselves; learning and absorbing. Children are very aware. They sense things. What message does workplace bullying in schools send to children?

I’m sure the stressed head teachers and senior staff at fault would say it doesn’t happen and, on the rare occasion that it did, it wouldn’t be something pupils are aware of. But lack of awareness is part of the problem. For example, a friend of mine on Twitter recently told me of an incident where she’d been bullied by the head teacher in front of an anti-bullying poster aimed at children. Need I say more?

Workplace bullying costs us great teachers who leave the school system never to return. Lack of awareness teaches our children that it is okay to bully others. And school authorities routinely bury the problem in reports designed to obscure the real picture.

Looks like they’ve a great deal to learn! And the sooner the better.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 191 Bomb Disposal

2011-09-18T07:21:00.000+01:00

Last week was a toughey.

Writing’s therapy. But like all things that are very good for you (vigorous exercise and healthy diets etc) it’s not necessarily pleasant.

I’m in the middle of a massive re-write of my workplace bullying book. I realised that just because I’m anonymous, doesn’t mean the reader can’t get to know me. I’m now wearing my heart on my sleeve for what is part workplace bullying memoir and part self-help. There’s nothing like it currently on the market, but it comes at quite an emotional price.

As part of the editing process, I had to go back through my documents and reconnect who I was when I was working with Howard. I had to relive my most uncomfortable moments and consider them again for the reader. I did, and the book is greater for it, but I crashed again. I cried all night the first evening. I barely held it together in work. On Wednesday I had another of my terrible headaches. I felt sick and constantly on the verge of tears.

As I calm down and make headway with my manuscript, it amazes me that Howard’s jokes which started three years ago in the autumn of 2008, still do so much damage. How many of us underestimate the long term effects of workplace bullying? We all do, surely! We all figure our problems will be solved the minute we leave the bully behind and start a new job. The minute our external problem is resolved, we think it’s dealt with.

We mustn’t underestimate the internal problems. It may be easier to bottle it all up and pretend it’s gone away, but if we don’t deal with it by talking or writing, at some point our bully might start attacking us again from the inside out.

Can you imagine what state I’d be in if I hadn’t have written the blog or the book? What shape would I be in had I not expressed myself and got my grief and anger out in manageable stages? Quite easily I could have buried it and pretended I was over it all, but it would have been sat there like a psychological time bomb.

The emotional damage from workplace bullying takes a long time to defuse. Make sure you dispose of it safely.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 190 Assistance for Assistants

2011-09-12T06:54:00.000+01:00

This week, I’ve been asked to write a little piece for Bully OnLine for their ‘bullying within professions’ section. Here’s my breakdown of the kind of bullying that exists in law firms:-

1. Partner

The higher a person is in a law firm, the less likely they are to be bullied. By the time a solicitor makes partner, whatever people think of them – only the brave or stupid are going to say it to their face.

2. Solicitor

A few rungs down the career ladder, and the chances of being targeted increase a little. Bullying, as we know, can take many forms, but in the legal profession it’s often jokes and ‘banter’ about one particular person, or it’s a superior riding someone about every case file they’re working on.

3. The Trainee or Solicitor inexperienced in a new legal field

From my own observations over a decade working in law firms, complaints of bullying come mainly from trainees. I think the Solicitors’ Assistance Scheme may well agree with me on this point (provides initial free employment law advice to solicitors in trouble – visit www.thesas.org.uk).

This is a profession well know for the demands of the job. The long hours are legendary. The pressure to bill is constant. The areas of law are complicated and vastly different to each other. Therefore trainees and solicitors crossing to a new field need much assistance and, if a solicitor or partner takes a dislike to them, it’s easy to flag up every error made and every request for help to imply they’re not making the grade. Stonewalling is common to help a trainee sink rather than swim. A friend on Twitter wrote that her boss routinely met her requests for help with “utilise your resources” before eventually firing her.

A lack of support can be cruelly delivered it in the guise of “I’m doing this for the good of your future career!”

A further problem is that, given their law training, trainees, paralegals and solicitors are more likely to seek legal redress when bullied at work. The law is an adversarial field and legal bullying is a part of it. There’s no law against it - but what they can do is claim for any connected disability/sexual or religious discrimination etc. Law firms, in anticipating legal retaliation from a soon to be ex-employee, will sometimes resort to ‘stitching the employee up’ under the banner of ‘self-defence’. Targets of bullying may find their case files examined for the slightest mistake or unnecessary delay, their billing may be gone through with a fine tooth comb and even their conduct may be monitored. Then, if possible, the word ‘incompetent’ or ‘liability’ will creep into their personnel file. If the bullied trainee wants to take legal redress – they know they’re taking their future career in their hands to do so. That file will be the first thing shown to a Tribunal.

4. The Assistant

Lastly, there are the support staff and secretaries to consider. There’s no ‘Assistance Scheme’ for this group when it’s in trouble – and you’ve got the legal profession bearing down on you if you take action. Obviously, it’s the group most targeted and most openly bullied. I’ve yet to work in a place where there wasn’t one legendary bully making his/her secretary’s life hell.
So, the solicitors have the Solicitors’ Assistance Scheme. But perhaps what the profession really needs is the Assistant Scheme where assistance is offered to the assistant of the professional person under stress.

Maybe that’s my next move...

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 189 Ravens in the Tower

2011-09-03T14:50:00.000+01:00

Firstly, I’d like thank everyone who sends me Twitter links to newspaper bullying stories. I can’t begin to tell you how helpful it is.

If it hadn’t been for one such helpful act, I’d have missed the next instalment on the Beefeater bullying saga. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it’s been rumbling along since 2009 when the first female Beefeater, Moira Cameron, admitted that she was being regularly bullied and harassed during her duties at the Tower of London.

What followed was a saddening tale of two Yeomen Warders bullying their female colleague. One apologised to Moira and was allowed to keep his job. The other was dismissed and went running to the Tribunal. A £65,000 settlement was offered to him to shut him up.

The sad thing is that the Beefeaters’ bullying of Moira continues still. She recently said to the press “I love my job, but can honestly say that I would never recommend another female to apply for the position of yeoman at the Tower”. And this is from a woman with a 20 year history in the army - hardly a pushover.

The icing on the cake for me, however, was the spokesman for Historic Royal Palaces who said the organisation “does not tolerate bullying or harassment on any level of any members of staff.”

Did I read that right? Sorry spokesman, but actions kind of speak louder than words on this one! It reminds me very much of my WEEK 27 blog post ‘All Banter’, when the firm I worked for wrote exactly the same thing in their new Employee Handbook, but did nothing to address the bullying.

If you’re familiar with the legend, you’ll know that if the ravens ever leave the Tower of London the tower and the monarchy will crumble. But ravens, of course, are mythically considered the birds of ill-omen so I guess, with all the bullying going on, the Tower and the Monarchy really haven’t a thing to worry about.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 188 The Best Disinfectant

2011-08-29T11:15:00.000+01:00

This week, I’ve been thinking about the many obscurities to the real figure of those bullied at work.

There are two major masks to the truth.

The first is us - the targets. A recent ACAS report revealed that a major obstacle to dealing with bullying is the reluctance of victims to come forward due to guilt, shame and anxiety. I can sympathise, of course. It’s a million times easier to pretend to my new colleagues that I’ve never had a work problem than admit the things I’ve experienced. I don’t know how I’d begin to tell them. If I had to, I’d cringe with embarrassment doing it.

Even on a wider scale, Brits don’t easily share problems; men shrink from going to the doctor when they know they’re ill and women have to be desperate to ask for help, even when they’re drowning under their own multitasking. This, after all, is the culture of ‘keep calm and carry on’.

And even when targets do speak up, the second major obstruction to the truth comes into play - the confidentiality clause.

I have a real problem with the legal use of secrecy in settlement agreements to ensure employers’ wrongdoing remains hidden. It seems unethical. Surely it gives employers no incentive to change? Surely it masks the real scale of employment problems today?

As well as suiting the employers, the lawyers benefit too. Helping employers pretend nothing happened by way of compromise agreement is an uncomplicated income stream for lawyers. Take away the confidentiality, however, and the employer might have to change for the better. If they did things right, employers would have less of a requirement for solicitors to clean up their dirty work.

Would removal of the confidentiality clause make a difference to the amount of cases which settle? Of course not. The compromise agreement is still the cheaper alternative to litigation.

So perhaps it’s 50/50. We don’t want to talk about it and they don’t either. What we need is a bit of tough love. We have to talk about it. We must to get it out in the open. In doing my American employment law research, I came across a great quote from Justice Louis Brandeis:-

“Sunlight is the best of disinfectants”

I couldn’t agree more.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 187 Judge & Jury

2011-08-25T06:58:00.001+01:00

I’d like to extent a huge thank you to everyone who left comments on the HR debate. The feedback has given me serious food for thought.

It seems I’m not alone in considering HR to be a role of conflict of interest.

Every one of the comments left here (or on Katherine Connolly’s HR blog) agreed with this point. However, a many readers took it a stage further, allowing HR the mitigation that they were often not sufficiently trained to deal with such complexities.

On researching the point, it seems they’re right. An ACAS study revealed that from an ‘Opportunity Now’ survey of 800 line managers, 59% of female managers and 74% of male managers felt ill-equipped to deal with bullying. Aren’t these the same line managers who are supposedly giving HR the resources to deal with it instead?

When it’s one staff member accusing another of abuse – the only in-house option is for HR to play Judge & jury. How many people would rise to that challenge? Even Trade Unions baulk when faced with representing both the accused and the accuser in cases of bullying.

Helen Frewin makes the pertinent point that the role of HR has transitioned, whilst the training has remained the same. And allnottinghambasearebelongtous’ comment that HR staff are often from an admin background further supports Helen’s observation. I’m sure there was a time when recruiting for HR from an administrative background was appropriate. This is certainly no longer the case.

Trying to see it more from a HR perspective, the pressure HR receives from management can also be intense. Management routinely views employees with problems as one or all of the following:-

1. They’re creating an unwelcome distraction to business.
2. They are a potential legal/financial liability.
3. They want to turn the workplace into a Courtroom drama.

Until the situation is resolved, management will be constantly chasing HR for progress updates.

Sadly, the situation in most cases (as the example from Fiona WordsBird shows) is that the accuser is terminated. Remove them – and you’ve removed the immediate problem. HR can relax, management can relax and the bully can relax. It’s difficult for HR to try a different approach when jobs are on the line. I’m sure many feel it’s not the place to experiment with outcomes.

But this, it seems, is the point. Things have changed. HR has to play Judge and jury whether they like it or not – to ensure a fair outcome. And they need to be trained accordingly. They can’t be allowed to continue to overrule the target for a quiet life.

Anything has to be better than the situation at present, where HR’s refusal or inability to play the Judge has them holding every victim of bullying in contempt.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 186 A Spoonful of Sugar

2011-08-22T06:23:00.000+01:00

This week I’ve been asked to guest blog on Katherine Connolly’s ‘Keeping HR Simple’ website. It’s very kind of her. I’m posting the blog here too because the role of HR is often controversial - especially when people have turned to HR for help with a workplace bully.

Kudos to Katherine! She knows I regularly give HR a hard time on Twitter, so it’s refreshing to see someone relishing the opportunity to listen - and put their own side across. This could be very interesting.

So here’s my take on HR:-

I believe that, for HR to work as intended, it has to be the middleman. HR has to win the trust of the CEO and the office junior. I’ve seen countless misunderstandings caused by this conflict of interest. And it’s a deliberate conflict of interest isn’t it? Paid for by the boss? The boss knows that employees want someone senior to take their problems to. If we take HR out of the equation, then the problems are going to land at his/her feet.

“Perish the thought!” says the boss.

Worst case scenario is that if there’s no-one to listen to the daily frustrations and needs of the workforce, they might then come up with their own answers.

“Perish the thought!” says the boss.

HR’s job then, surely, is to deflect conflict away from the boss and reassure staff that “I understand, but this is just the way things are here, I’m afraid.”

I know it’s a challenging viewpoint, so I’d be interested in your opinion. I’ve got a feeling the debate is going to be anything but simple. Am I right? Is HR is simply sugar coated management to help make the corporate medicine go down?

What do you think?

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 185 A Good Sign

2011-08-18T11:53:00.000+01:00

Hurrah! WOO-HOO. I’ve got an interested publisher!

The reason I kept this quiet for a week is because I wasn’t sure I could pull off their requirement in such a short space of time.

They were the ones who suggested I should include the American angle I wrote about in my 'Uncle Sam' blog last week. They gave no promises, but said if I can undertake a revision to include American examples, statistics and law, they’d seriously consider publishing it.

The whole process of rewriting was very rewarding. I learned a huge amount. I’m delighted with the new and improved book, and the whole thing’s getting exciting now. The most exciting thing, however, is that my manuscript is currently on its way to New York!

New York! Can you believe it?

I found a fabulous self-help editor in New York who’s agreed to take a look for a final check that it’s been suitably ‘Americanized’.

With all this going on, I can’t help thinking back to my WEEK 32 blog, ‘A Sign’ where HOWARD put a sign up about me which included the Statue of Liberty inscription. Do you remember that one? He hung it above his desk in full view of the office. It even stayed there long enough for me to take a couple of photos of it for evidence.

Think of this whenever Eva speaks:-

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore
Send these, the homeless,
The tempest-tossed to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

There I was worrying that it was a ‘sign of things to come’.

And perhaps it was. Perhaps it was a good sign.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 184 Cramming up on Law

2011-08-14T06:44:00.002+01:00

I’m taking a break this week from work and blogging as I’m determined to finish my workplace bullying book rewrite. I feel like I’m cramming for a final exam or something. Still, it’s going very well, I’m learning a lot and I’ll have a great deal to pass on when I’m done.

Talking of cramming, it’s amazing how many hardback American employment law books I’ve squeezed into one very small British bedsit.

Do bear with me. I’ll be back to normal next week.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 183 Uncle Sam

2011-08-08T06:23:00.000+01:00

Last week, I was given a genius suggestion in respect of my workplace bullying book, which was:-

Why help just the Brits with this book when Americans need it too?

I thought the US was way ahead of us on employment law, but it turns out American employees are having just as hard a time as the UK. So I’m now all over American employment law. I’ve got half a ton of employment law books coming from the States. I’m researching the position on the internet. I’m shortly about to take time off work so I can really get on with it.

A big re-write is taking place.

It’s exciting! I’ve got a million questions which need answering. What’s the US equivalent to our internal complaint known as the grievance process? Is there a Code of Practice that employers and employees are meant to follow in respect of reported workplace bullying? I need to know about the kinds of free representation available to employees in the States and how effective these services are generally. I need to know if people can represent themselves in Court, as they do in the UK. What’s the structure of compensation? Is it also based on loss of earnings and injury to feelings? How much do US solicitors charge on average etc. Does America have Employment Tribunals like us Brits? If not, what type of Court are these claims heard in?

Huge isn’t it? Still, I’m on a roll. I don’t know if he wants me, but I like to think Uncle Sam needs me.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 182 Legend

2011-08-04T06:46:00.000+01:00

Too many companies have a legendary bully.

Bullies who are central within a firm have often had time to build up an aura of haranguing folklore and fairytale to be enjoyed by the people who don’t work directly for them. You know what I’m talking about, right? The bully’s exploits are re-hashed in amused whispers. They provide an element of humour to a dull working day. And when the current target of their bullying walks out or complains, the whole firm ends up rallying around the bully with indulgent sympathy.

Sadly, it doesn’t stop there.

It’s all too tempting for people to then believe currying favour with a legendary bully reflects well on themselves. They’ll say:-

“I worked with them when so and so was off – and they loved working with me. In fact, they asked if I could work with them more often”.

I guess we all know people like this too. They’re happy to be involved in the drama – and happier still that a short term period of working well with a well known bully endorses their own self esteem.

When you think about it, this egocentric bias is unbelievably harmful. It can put us in harm’s way. We tell ourselves that in the same circumstances, it wouldn’t happen to us. We’d be the exception to the rule. They’d love working with us. It also places all the blame on the targets of bullying. They obviously weren’t good enough. If that person were more like us - they’d have worked out just fine.

Too easily, the bully becomes an occupational stress test – by which strength of character within a firm is measured. In the world at large, however, it’s the opposite. It’s your ability to resist the dramatic pull of such ‘legends’ that really says volumes about who you are.

Don’t forget it.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 181 Textbook

2011-08-01T06:51:00.000+01:00

Last week was a strange one.

I grew really tired of waiting for a response to my workplace bullying book proposals.

It’s impossible not to see the eventual publication of my book as my moment of triumph. To have written a book and found a publisher, what a comeback that would be in response to such an awful case of workplace bullying. On a personal level, I’ll have lost a few battles, but I’ll have certainly won the war.

From the last round of submissions sent out, 3 agents and 1 publisher have yet to respond. I’m told no news is good news, but I’ve waited four months for this lot.

That’s four months of staring at the phone on my desk.

Four months of staring at the little light on the phone.

Four months of jumping every time the little light on my phone begins to blink.

For someone so keen to get on with the job, it’s driving me crazy.

Self-publishing is the alternative. I’m doing the research now, but I know what HOWARD would say. He’d laugh his head off. He’d accuse me of being a vanity author. If I self publish and sell few books, he’ll say its proof that he was right about me all along.

So whichever way I do it, it has to be a huge success.

HOWARD may not technically be my boss anymore, but I know his ghost will always be breathing down my neck asking how many books I’ve sold. If I underachieve, he’ll be whispering in my ear telling me I’m a failure and a loser. If the publishers knew the pressure I’m under to make this work – they’d be calling first thing.

Surely at some point, someone has to realise that what I’ve done isn’t just a good example of how injustice can motivate someone to strive for their absolute best. No it isn’t just a good example...

It’s textbook!

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 180 Suzy Lamplugh Anniversary

2011-07-27T17:43:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow marks the 25th anniversary of Suzy Lamplugh’s disappearance - sadly, HOWARD’S favourite joke.

It went way beyond banter.

I took his perverse modern retelling of June 28th 1986 (with me imagined in the place of Suzy Lamplugh) as a veiled threat. Who wouldn’t? His knowledge of the details worried me enough that I’d feel sick. HOWARD assured me he knew what happened. He told me in grisly detail, even miming some of the action. He said he knew her fate was what I longed for myself; male attention at any price.

These days, I wonder if he actually meant to scare me as much as he did. It was only last weekend I realised, with Suzy Lamplugh’s case in the papers again, that he’d been making it all up. Every word was fabricated. They never found her.

The joke was on me.

And take last Friday, for example. Where the world’s majority are praying for the Norwegians after the Oslo bombing and hideous massacre at the island youth camp, HOWARD would no doubt have viewed it as nothing more than another way to fire off cheap, disgusting jokes at my expense.

I worked with him long enough to know the kind of comments he’d be coming out with. But with people like HOWARD, their callous lack of compassion creates something else too. When someone else couldn’t care less – it often inspires others to care more.

And so we do.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 179 Horrible Bosses

2011-07-23T17:28:00.003+01:00

Welcome to BBTB’s first film review:-

First things first, Horrible Bosses is crude; in similar style to The Hangover. I probably should have paid more attention to this before dragging my poor mother along.

The film’s workplace dynamics are as follows:-

Nick’s boss, Mr Harken (Kevin Spacey) is humiliating him and working him round the clock.

Dale’s boss, Dr Julia Harris (Jennifer Aniston), is sexually harassing him at work.

Kurt’s boss, Bobby Pellit (Colin Farrell) is a coke addicted psychopath.

The main employer/employee relationship is that of Nick and Mr Harken (Spacey), with Jennifer Aniston and Colin Farrell playing for laughs, and crude laughs at that. Personally, I could have done with the whole movie drawn on Kevin Spacey and his worker. They had something there. Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to have a boss look you in the eye and tell you they’ll wreck your future chances of employment if you leave – Kevin Spacey was on the money. In a movie of one-dimensional characters, there was surprising depth to his carrot/stick abuse of Nick.

The first half of the movie is completely contrived. “But why don’t you just get another job?” one of them asks the other after they tell their horror stories over rounds of beer. Cue the co-incidental and timely arrival of an old school chum, once voted most likely to succeed, who is now a begging ex-Lehman Brother employee who’s been out of work so long he’s forced into offering the guys hand jobs for money. Yep. It’s THAT clunkly.

Nevertheless, the movie improves as it goes on. The empowerment the guys feel when they decide to go up against their bosses is spot on and funny. There are plenty of twists and Jamie Foxx’s character has his moments. The soundtrack was also good.

Overall though, as with real life, it’s the subtleties of workplace bullying rather than the crude incidents that you remember. It’s Nick having to drink a tumbler of whiskey at 8.30am because his boss said so. Doesn’t sound like much – but that’s the awful truth of workplace bullying – the things that don’t sound much are the most torturous.

So what did Mrs BBTB senior think? Being well acquainted with HOWARD, she wasn’t too shocked at the bosses behaviour. She did think the swearing, crude, misogynistic, racist and homophobic jokes were a little much. How did she put it?

That’s it...

It was hard work!

For a film that was 9 to 5 meets The Hangover, I give it 5 out of 10.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 178 Fake Fur

2011-07-18T06:55:00.000+01:00

If you’re a regular reader, you’ll probably have picked up on the fact that I’ve little time for ‘experts’ who haven’t had real experience of workplace bullying. Statisticians and academics may mean well, but they often end up blinding us with untested theory or irrelevant statistics.

But at least theory and statistics are harmless. Poor advice, on the other hand, could cost someone their career.

Recently, a new and confident generation of corporate strategists are throwing their hat into the workplace bullying ‘expert’ ring. What worries me is that I’ve yet to read an article by one of these ‘experts’ which does anything other than pander to the fashionable ‘ethics’ of the corporate world – regardless of how risky their suggestions might be.

Bursting with confidence, the strategist is convinced they HAVE the answer. Their ideas WILL eliminate workplace bullying.

WOW! I went through it for years, studied it for years, worked with employment lawyers for years and I don’t claim to have the answer.

So what is it?

The strategists then offer a paragraph or two of generic, one size fits all suggestions, such as having a ‘roundtable’ meeting to expose the bully to their boss. Their articles are filled with buzzwords and management speak. Recently one corporate strategist confidently recommended a forensic audit once the bullying is made public. Really? A forensic audit? Can you see your average UK small business allowing the office junior to confront a bullying manager, upon which the small business sets about an immediate forensic audit?

ONLY IF THE OFFICE JUNIOR IN QUESTION IS THE GRANDCHILD OF THE CEO.

What happens, I want to ask them, when the company’s financial survival depends on the profits brought in by the bully? What happens when the internal damage a bully does is offset by their external commercial success? What about bystander apathy? What about the companies whose very culture encourages boasts about their CEO/Management bullies who plough through staff and makes lives miserable? What about when people are too scared of the consequences to challenge the status quo?

What’s missing from these corporate strategists and self proclaimed experts is that they’ve never lost their job because of bullying and they’ve obviously never sat down with anyone who has and listened.

Let me say it again so the strategists in the back can hear me. Workplace bullying is situational. You cannot eliminate workplace bullying because it’s human nature. All you can do is be honest, lay out the various resources to those who are going through it and hope they get themselves out of it as quickly as possible.

These new experts don’t care about those being bullied. Such articles are written to impress the corporate world and nothing more. They’re what my Nan would have called “all fur coat and no knickers”.

And in the new wave of corporate ‘ethics’ - it’s going to be fake fur.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 177 Mind the Gap

2011-07-14T05:41:00.001+01:00

Impatient for the ‘green light’ on my transition from secretary to employment law paralegal, I looked up the course details; the education a budding legal assistant can’t be without.

It looked really interesting. The modules cover everything you need to know; redundancy, contracts of employment etc.

But wait a second, I thought. Where’s the reference to workplace bullying? Any reference at all?

It seems the list covers ALMOST everything.

I read through again. There was employment tribunal procedure and discrimination (sex, age, race, disability, sexual orientation, religion & belief), employee status and other working relationships. There was unfair dismissal, termination of employees, maternity/paternity, Trade Unions and TUPE - but definitely no mention of bullying at work.

This kind of thing shakes my confidence.

Sometimes it feels like it’s all in my head. Am I the equivalent of one of those crazy Americans who claim to have been abducted by aliens? Does everyone nod and roll their eyes as I reiterate that workplace bullying does happen all the time – and it happened to me? There’s so little evidence of the legal world being bothered about it.

I comfort myself that I’m filling a gap. I’m trying to fill the gap between secretary and fee earner. And I’m trying to fill the gap between an environment that doesn’t legally recognise many forms of workplace bullying – and a person who passionately does.

Maybe at some point, there’ll be no more gaps to fill.

Best wishes

BBTB x
(AKA Scully from the Workplace Bullying Files: The Truth is Out There)

WEEK 176 Match Fix

2011-07-11T07:00:00.000+01:00

Ken Clarke, as Justice Minister, is doing everything he can to encourage Claimants to represent themselves at Tribunal. He’s harking back to the origin purpose of Tribunals; a place to represent yourself, or get a Union Rep to help. And, naturally, he believes that hundreds of millions of pounds would be saved.

Okay, so it takes money to lodge a claim and find representation. But if you’re taking a stand against your employer because of workplace bullying it is usually impossible to represent yourself and win. The law on workplace bullying is hellishly complicated. The timescales are tricky.

Many people think they’ll be okay gambling on common sense, but common sense, when it comes to accusing your employer of workplace bullying in the Employment Tribunal, counts for nothing. The bullying has to be on proven protected grounds, such as race, sex, disability etc. And your claim must be lodged within the strict time limits.

So time and again I hear lawyers coming back from Tribunal telling tales of Claimants who turned up alone and argued all the wrong points, even arguing themselves out of a claim they might have won. I hear stories of Judges rolling their eyes and trying their best to point a Claimant in the right direction, or drop massive hints, to no avail.

I can’t help wondering how different the statistics might be if people actually knew the law before they represented themselves. I have a feeling the success rates for employees would head skyward.

So just because you have the balls to represent yourself – doesn’t mean you should. Team up that courage with strong representation – and you’re getting somewhere.

Ken Clarke’s idea makes me question his role as Justice Secretary. Isn’t encouraging employees to represent themselves in Court going to pre-determine the result in most cases? Especially when your employer will always have their lawyers/barristers in tow?

It smacks of a Judicial match fix.

I say don’t make it too easy for them!

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 175 True Colours

2011-07-06T05:58:00.000+01:00

I wasn’t going to post this week. It’s been very quiet, but there’s always my 3 day watercolour taster course which ends today.

Oh boy. Has it been intensive!

Monday morning, my friend and I were nervous. We all were. Nine nervous students sat before our easels, carefully opening our boxes of 24 paints and clutching a handful of brushes as the register was called.

By the afternoon, practice over, the teacher assembled a still life of apples, vases, teapots and various backdrops.

“Choose whichever section you want” he said.

Me being me, of course, I did it all. I painted the green and gold curtains, the blue curtains with white birds in flight, the reflective red teapot, the two cobalt blue bottles, the plate of fruit and a little aquamarine cup with the gold rim.

It didn’t occur to me to make my first attempt easier and paint, say, JUST THE APPLES.

During break, I realised my fellow students had been more savvy. I was the only one to attempt everything.

“You’ve done this before” the teacher said.

I can’t remember the last time I used watercolours, but if it’s my overall approach he’s talking about - it’s one which seems to work for Bullied by the Boss. Even when I doubt I can do workplace bullying justice, I mix the colours in my palette and give it a go.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 174 Snakes and Career Ladders

2011-07-01T07:05:00.002+01:00

Something’s been niggling at me for a while.

A combination of things.

One of my bosses had to give a 20 minute presentation to local businesses, and when I told him to “Give em the ole razzle dazzle”, he shot me a look of “What would you know?”

Further, the firm’s trainees, having recently qualified, are piled high with employment law research and their diaries are full of trips to the Tribunal to note-take for fee earners.

I want to be involved too.

So on Wednesday, when a friend from Bully OnLine sent through a workplace bullying document for my comments, my spirits rose. The task was interesting and thought provoking. His brief workplace bullying CV confimed he works as a kind of advocate for litigants-in-person, representing them at the Employment Tribunal. So when he phoned me, I had to know more. By the end of the phone call I knew what I wanted to do; the same thing.

So yesterday morning, I knocked on my boss’ door and asked him for some advice. I explained I had an genuine interest in employment law and wondered whether there was any way I could qualify in that field, without having to study every area of law under the sun.

“Of course”, he replied. “Specialist paralegal!”

Five minutes later, he’d found me a suitable course in employment law.

It’s not official yet, but my boss was so supportive of the idea – I was bowled over. It looks like my firm is going to pay for it, at least in part.

I don’t care about the extra work it’ll involve. I’ll draw on my inspirations; my recent experiences in work, my Bully OnLine friend, the trainees and last but not least – the great bullying inspiration that was HOWARD himself.

I plan to a very good job.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 173 Telepathy

2011-06-27T06:54:00.001+01:00

Impatient, as always, to find a publisher for my workplace bullying book, I’ve been thinking about the market. At first, I kind of accepted the market was niche, and therefore placing my book would take time. But then I started to wonder. How many people are actually suffering enough to go in search of literary assistance?

Just thinking about the people in my circle, my best friend’s brother was bullied out of his job and is still struggling to get back on his feet. OLLIE’S ex secretary, as we know, is getting counselling and trying to gear up for a return to employment. They’ve both been hit hard.

Considering my wider circle of friends, there are a number of examples of moves made due to workplace bullying. If you think about employment experiences of your own family and friends, a job change or transfer because of a boss from hell is not unexpected.

For such a common occurrence, it’s strange that it’s so rarely discussed in a solution seeking way. Now and again, nightmare bosses are joked about – but that’s about it.

Let’s face it. Workplace bullying is an employment taboo.

Few of us are happy to admit that a boss hated us enough to force us to walk out. We worry people will think we’re at fault, either incompetent at our job or annoying to work with. We’d hate to give our new colleagues the idea that, “Hey, what if she’s super-sensitive to constructive criticism? What if I say the wrong thing and she accuses me of bullying?” We worry our new workmates will be walking on eggshells, thinking we’re litigious or oversensitive, prone to exaggerating or combative, paranoid or vindictive.

And that’s the magic of books. As Stephen King writes in On Writing:-

“[Writing is] telepathy of course...I didn’t tell you. You didn’t ask me. I never opened my mouth and you never opened yours. We’re not even in the same year together, let alone the same room...except we are together. We’re close.”

And so we are.

Lots of us.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 172 Interview with a Vampire

2011-06-23T07:14:00.000+01:00

This week I’ve been reading Payback: Why we Retaliate, Redirect Aggression and Take Revenge, as recommended by a friend on Twitter. It’s so in keeping with my BBTB philosophy, I’ve decided to share it with you.

It didn’t take me long to realise that HOWARD’S problem wasn’t actually me. We’re not targeted because of some annoying aspect of our character or personality. We’re targeted because someone in a higher post is in pain and needs to make someone pay for that. And they’re always going to choose the person HR would (albeit reluctantly) let go if it was a 50/50 decision between you and them.

HOWARD had significant problems outside work which caused him pain, and his way of coping was by passing it on. I soon realised I had to put my pain somewhere or I’d take it out on my family and friends.

Pain is Vampiric. Once bitten, we have an almost compulsive need to bite back and if we can’t – we may well experience an urge to bite someone else, someone completely innocent. Unfortunately, whilst it’s not right and possibly dangerous even, it does make us feel better – short term.

So we have two problems. The first is, obviously, what we are going to do about being bullied at work. The second is how we are going to avoid biting and snapping at someone else. I tried everything and anything to successfully control my anger and frustration. The last thing you want to do is become the epitome of what you hate in the first place.

If we have to bite through something, let it be the chain of bullying.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 171 Definition

2011-06-20T07:25:00.001+01:00

I’ve been asked a number of times this week for my definition of workplace bullying. The first question that always pops into mind is why. Why is someone curious or struggling to come up with a definition?

Our motives will greatly affect our definition.

This is why definitions of workplace bullying in HR Staff Handbooks are long and woolly; an attempt to cover everything. For example, here’s an extract from the Staff Handbook HOWARD and his HR pals hastily scrambled together after the office junior tried to take HOWARD to an Employment Tribunal:-

Our firm did not condone:-

“Harassment related to gender, race, ethnicity, colour, disability, age, religion, nationality, occupation, marital status, sexual orientation or other personal characteristics. There was to be no abuse through e-mail, texts or websites; no invasion of personal space, spreading malicious rumours or insulting someone. There was to be no intended isolation or exclusion, stalking or offensive sexual remarks. There was to be no public ridicule, sarcasm or humiliation; no abuse of power, position or knowledge. They did not want people to be stressed, demotivated or frightened”.

This definition was intended solely to protect HOWARD and his pals from future legal accusation. It did not stop the bullying, nor was that its primary goal. On the contrary, HOWARD was comforted that, should he be accused again, he could throw the Staff Handbook at the Tribunal and say – “Hey, we DEFINED it! We’re not bullies.” This is the dangerous thing about definitions. It implies understanding. It implies awareness. It implies some academic thought.

It is academic. The more people that discuss it, the more abstract it becomes. Experts want to be heard and naturally want to include all the various legal, ethical and social angles. This prompts more questions. A researcher thinks they have a good definition until someone says:-

“Yes, but can racial, sexual etc bullying could be defined as 'bullying' or is it more 'harassment/discrimination’?”

Or

“Is it perhaps dependent upon how the individual themselves perceives it?”

Definitions belong in the same place as statistics and surveys. It’s the territory of the ‘expert’. It may be interesting, but it proves little assistance to a torturous employment problem.

So where do I stand?

Workplace bullying is situational. Within any firm, company or organisation every employee arrives each day with their own prejudices, problems at home, stresses at work, personal likes and dislikes, preferred ways of working etc. How they are allowed to behave toward each other and how these prejudices and problems manifest are down to the company structure and management. Therefore, it really doesn't matter much why one employee is targeted, so much that it is left unchecked and becomes a real problem.

So my definition of workplace bullying is "Where a firm, company or organisation permits one employee to torment and harass another".

I don’t claim for a minute that my definition is the best example or the unquestionable conclusion, but I’m happy that it works for its money; it implies a company is to blame.

What are your thoughts? Do let me know.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 169 Traversing the Wire

2011-06-15T07:06:00.000+01:00

Having arrived fresh from a lively discussion on Bully OnLine relating to digitally recording incidents of bullying at work, the following ‘rules’ aren’t only drawn from my own experience of recording bullying (January 2010 WEEK 31 to WEEK 34), but also from a legal and HR perspective.

1.If you do record your colleagues, don't use the material until after you've left. Recording colleagues in work is gross misconduct. Therefore, if you were to play it in a grievance meeting - even if it does show evidence of bullying - you'll probably face disciplinary or dismissal

2. Don't turn it into a fishing expedition and become 'the human wire'. Try it once or twice - and only if you are really scared of your bully. In my case I had a deal of trouble with my boss when there were few around. If it's bordering on criminal levels of harassment - by all means use a digital recorder.

3.If you do record colleagues and they find out - they'll hate you for it! They will personally want to see you fired.

4.I know a case where someone recorded meetings and came up with only minor incidents of their boss behaving like a jerk. That's not to say their boss didn't behave worse than that - but the tape did them no favours and, yes, the person who recorded the meetings was fired and their colleagues hated them.

5. It's also very stressful

So, for the moment, I would advise that no-one tape records anyone until there is serious abuse at work taking place and I'd certainly advocate trying everything else first.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 168 The Law of Attraction

2011-06-11T08:06:00.000+01:00

I still kick myself for initially believing everyone’s assertion that HOWARD was harassing me because he’d developed a crush. It’s taken me this long to open up and write about something so personally embarrassing.

Staff assured HOWARD’S fixation on my appearance and sexuality was his inability to deal with very strong feelings. I was told I should be flattered. Who wants to make socially awkward guy even worse by reporting his relentless, but insulting, attention to HR? Not forgetting he was my superior. Not forgetting also that everyone felt sorry for him. Time and again I gave HOWARD the benefit of the doubt because of it.

I knew it was bullying, but these issues made it tricky

Whilst it didn’t take me long to realise how wrong we were, years later I’m still humiliated. It annoys me that I believed someone who later came close to destroying my sanity actually liked me in the first place. Gullible, I call myself, for believing all that reverse psychology hokum. And now I find myself doubting any guy that teases me. What’s he trying to say? Is he another HOWARD, I wonder?

So I was heartened by a report recently circulated by Bullying UK about sexual bullying. It made me think. The list they give of sexist incidents is this:-

· Abusive, sexualised name calling

· Unwelcome looks and comments about someone’s appearance or attractiveness; either face to face or to others.

· Spreading rumours of sexual nature

· Inappropriate and uninvited touching

· Inappropriate sexual innuendo and/or proposition

· Graffiti with sexual content

· Display/circulation of inappropriate material of a sexual nature

· Badges or clothing depicting inappropriate sexual innuendo or language

· In the most extreme form, sexual assault and rape

The thing my former colleagues and I readily misinterpreted is that some of the above list genuinely are the preoccupation of immature teens and young men. It’s a grey area. Sometimes it really is an inexpressive, awkward guy trying to impress his friends and having a secret crush on the girl he’s teasing. Abusive, sexualised name calling can be construed by an audience as banter. The same goes for sexual innuendo.

As I said, however, I did know there was a difference.

So what was it?

The difference is this; where the behaviour is 100% negative then it’s sexual bullying. HOWARD indulged in many things from the Bullying UK list, particularly name calling, comments about my looks, rumours, graffiti with sexual content and a preoccupation with sexual violence and rape.

What he didn’t once do is say anything kind or complimentary.

Not once!

Never.

So I guess the Law of Attraction is very much on face value. If you’re not sure whether someone is attracted to you or sexually bullying you then think about the last time they genuinely gave you a compliment. Even the inexpressive, awkward guy is itching to find a way to show his softer side. If you’re trying too hard to twist what may be reverse psychology, then you’re probably dealing with a very twisted character.

And it’s time to run a mile.

I realise now I’ve been a little hard on myself. It’s only over a period of weeks or months that you’re going to get a true picture of someone’s motivation. The important thing is that you trust your instincts and listen to yourself. We all read people wrong, especially with our workmates telling us this, that and the other, but with increasing amounts of information to hand, we learn to keep ourselves and each other safe.

And we learn to forgive ourselves in the process.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 168 "I QUIT" Sequence

2011-06-08T06:35:00.000+01:00

This week, I thought I'd give you a break from my relentless blogging.

Ever felt unappreciated by your boss, but not sure why? Here's a hilarious sequence of photographs I was e-mailed yesterday from a friend:-

Brilliant. Hope you enjoyed.

Best wishes
BBTB x

WEEK 167 The Sound of Silence

2011-06-04T09:22:00.000+01:00

I miss OLLIES’ secretary.

Every office has its cliques, but since my friend walked out I’m painfully aware of them. Add in the general perception that she was ungrateful to stick her nose up at a good job, and it’s a struggle to be included.

It’s not bullying. There’s no law against colleagues playing the cool customer, but I was surprised at my level of discomfort at being left out. It bothered me. Attempts at conversation were met with one word answers. If I tried sneaking into a conversation with humour, I was seen off with a flatly delivered ‘huh, huh, huh.’ Office politics at its coldest.

It was getting a little lonely.

I tried to ingratiate myself with my fellow secretaries by making more tea and coffee, filling up the stationery etc. I lugged heavy boxes of paper up the stairs and collected faxes from reception. Actions speak louder than words and all that. But it was only yesterday I realised the mistake I was making. I was never going to win over my fellow secretaries by volunteering myself as their personal office junior.

People pleasing is a poison chalice.

Trying to win someone over inevitably reinforces their superiority. So yesterday afternoon, I changed tack. I did my job and stopped trying to resolve the situation. And the result? Yep, you guessed it. I was slowly included again and had to hide my palpable sense of relief.

Objectivity is a must in these situations. I wasn’t doing myself any favours, but it was only by being mindful of my own behaviour as much as theirs that brought in a breakthrough.

I’m reminded of the following quote:-

“The way you see them is the way you treat them and the way you treat them is the way they often become”.(Zig Ziglar).

It’s true whichever way you look at it.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 166 The Sermon of Father McKenzie

2011-06-01T06:56:00.000+01:00

My workplace bullying book receives high praise, but my small social platform is causing publishers to think twice. It’s not big enough. And I’ve been kicking myself ever since that major publishing rejection.

The mistake I’ve made, of course, is in concentrating so hard on the message - I’ve overlooked my lack of messenger. This was something concerning me in my first ever Eleanor Rigby blog, 167 posts ago. I wrote:-

“I’m not scared of HOWARD. I’m not scared of being just another Eleanor Rigby either. I suppose at the moment I’m scared of one thing. I’m scared of blogging to no-one and, like Father McKenzie, ‘writing the words of a sermon that no-one will hear”.

Yes folks, I’ve been a bit naive. I’ve written my sermon, only to neglect to tell everyone there’s a new preacher in town.

Tackling workplace bullying begins with two schools of thought on education and awareness. One is employer focussed and the other is motivated toward employee. I’m pro employee. At present, employers have all the power. We need more examples of employees who creatively kicked back against workplace bullies. We need to get those employers a little concerned. Not that they should be terrified, but they should be aware that their employees have the power to do something more than raise a grievance or telephone ACAS if they’re targeted by bullies at work.

But who cares what I think, because the point is – with a small social profile, too few are going to get the message? At this rate, no-one (God forbid) will read the book.

So I’m geared up to shout a bit louder and help similar minds get their voices heard too. I’m getting to grips with Twitter (thanks to the help and support that is @Twiterrock). So if you like the blog and the message behind it – then please follow me on Twitter. I’ll follow you back and I’ll retweet.

Please re-tweet to your friends.

And ask them to re-tweet.

For ever and ever.
Amen.

BBTB

WEEK 165 Truth Will Out

2011-05-27T21:22:00.000+01:00

Last Saturday, the Daily Mail published a story about how a council chief’s bullying tactics led to the hard-up council paying out £400,000 for compromise agreements to silence departing staff. The Counsellor is currently suspended after a colleague of hers committed suicide.

Having been the subject of a temporary Restricted Reporting Order and a compromise agreement, I’ve first-hand knowledge of gagging. But if the Daily Mail story and the recent super injunction debate show anything, it’s that the truth will out.

The problem with super injunctions and compromise agreements is that they give those handing them out the illusion of control. They think the problem has vanished when, in truth, it’s temporarily off radar.

Until these people learn to control themselves and their impulses, they’re unlikely to have any real control over those around them. The situation is bound to repeat. Replacement colleagues arrive and new friends are made, until they too are gagged when things inevitably go wrong.

As seen with the cash-strapped Council, how much companies and councils spend on keeping staff quiet is a story in itself. You cannot buy permanent silence and any business, organisation or footballer celebrity continually throwing financial resources at such an ill conceived investment is crazy.

Fortunately, even gagged I can still shake my head.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 164 True Colours

2011-05-25T06:21:00.001+01:00

I've finally finished a play I’ve been writing for the past six months. Hurrah!

Whilst it’s a play about job identity, you won’t be surprised that it touches on themes of workplace bullying. The following is an extract from the extensive first-draft feedback I received from two professional playwrights who kindly offered to take a look last month:-

“What is strongest or most prevalent dramatically, is the way that the harassment develops insidiously and escalates. This is in part because you sketch with detail the grey area in which the characters operate.”

The ‘grey area’ got me thinking. If workplace bullying was a colour – it couldn’t be anything but grey. It’s the epitome of grey. Firstly there’s the leaden depression which comes hand in hand when working for a bully. Secondly, there’s the legal grey area, where you can’t do anything about it unless it’s tacked on to a ‘black and white’ violation of your statutory rights.

It’s the subtleties of workplace bullying which make it grey. It’s the can’t-quite-put-my-finger-on-it/I’m-just-not-telling-it-right difficulties we face when trying to express ourselves which compound the overcast gloom already caused by workplace abuse.

But here’s where art comes into its own. When life’s grey areas are difficult to express in conversation, art lends a deeper, more considered vocabulary. I’m not saying we have to turn into tree hugging hippies, but it helps to creatively express ourselves when we’re mentally washed-out.

So I say we should do what we can to restore our true colours, and leave the bullies standing in our shadow, where they belong.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 163 If you Can't Take the Heat

2011-05-21T15:26:00.000+01:00

Gordon Ramsey’s made headlines again.

I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to write about the king of workplace bullying. Perhaps there’s some psychological reason I chose to wait until his empire is crumbling around him.

After falling out with his CEO father-in-law, he unfairly dismissed his mother-in-law and anyone else related to his wife’s family because they were ‘too close’ to his wife’s father. His wife’s mother and brothers are now submitting their ET1s to the Employment Tribunal.

There are rumours of Gordon’s violent mood swings and speculation of drug addiction.

There are always going to be potential employment problems when a firm is set up by someone talented in a specialist field, but with no specific business training. For example, a good chef, solicitor, chartered surveyor, or architect can easily be convinced they can turn their hand to anything. It’s only a matter of time before they’re dreaming of their empire - a company of their own. That’s when it becomes apparent that their lack of business skill makes them lousy and incompetent to work for. And this is also where HR comes into play, protecting any talented liability at the top from accusations of from the bottom.

Running a business and managing people is a skill in itself. That’s why Ramsey needed his father-in-law CEO to steer him in the right direction. Without the business brain and human shield, the ET1s are flooding in.

If someone like Gordon can’t take the heat of the boardroom then let him get back in the kitchen.

It’s a lesson to them all.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 162 Same Old, Same Old

2011-05-18T07:29:00.000+01:00

Have you ever felt that, despite your best efforts, you’re trapped in a time warp?

Or perhaps stuck in a rut.

Firstly, there’s a certain deja vu undercurrent in work after last Friday’s attempt to nip my new boss’ behaviour in the bud.

Secondly, under my desk is a box overflowing with OLLIE’S secretary’s possessions. Reminiscent of last time there are 2 pairs of shoes, black cardigan, Walkers crisps, bumper bag of aniseed balls, 5 Penguin cake bars, chilli flavoured nuts, selection of photographs, Health and Safety Certificate, M&S catalogue, lip sticks, desk tidies, biscuits, boiled sweets, mug and drinking glass and her “I’ll get there one day” picture of a tropical beach.

I’ve felt really down about it all. I’ve felt as if I’m running in circles. What’s the point? I thought. I work so hard – to get absolutely nowhere!

Same old, same old.

I forced myself to the gym – where I always feel better, even if temporarily. On my way there, I recognised OLLIE’S secretary walking towards me. I was so relieved to see her I broke into a big smile. But as she came closer, I had to hold back tears. She looked years older. And she looked like she’d been crying for weeks.

She confirmed what I already knew in my heart of hearts. She’d had a nervous breakdown.

Her GP was helping her and had put her in touch with a local mental health charity. They’d traced the beginnings of her problems back to our old firm and said that she’d been subconsciously delaying the fallout. It had to sink in at some time and when it did – WHAM – she went into meltdown. She confessed to swinging wildly between irrational anger and incessant crying. She could, she whispered, barely function.

It was obvious she wasn’t ready to see people from work, so I reassured her that when she was ready – I’d be there for her, however long it took.

And there I was, striding off to the gym with new purpose. I’m getting out of this rut. I know why I started all this. I know why it’s so important I get this book published.

And I’m not going to stop until I get there.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 161 Friday 13th

2011-05-14T09:41:00.001+01:00

I recently wrote a blog called GAME PLAN, in which I said I didn’t believe some personality types are more attractive to bullies than others. It’s just the situation people are in at the time. And if that’s the case, I asked, then where are the HOWARDS in my new firm.

Talk about tempting fate!

Yesterday started well. It was a fee earner’s 40th, so I ran around putting banners and posters up. There was a lovely atmosphere. The kitchen was full of cakes and everyone was invited on the night out. I had a nice amount of work to do. I wasn’t swamped, but I wouldn’t be bored. And it was Friday, of course.

Then just after midday, one of the fee earners marched to my desk, slapped down a draft letter, snapped “I’m sure this is the second time I’ve had to tell you!” and stomped off. When I picked up the letter I noted I’d made one typo on a company initial in the address (let’s call it XY), next to which the fee earner had scrawled:-

“X bloody Y!”

It doesn’t sound like much, but it was so reminiscent of HOWARD, I went straight into a full blown panic attack. A headache came from nowhere. It’s a short step from “X bloody Y!” to “X bloody Y, you f**king stupid ugly idiot!” and my imagination made that leap. I couldn’t breathe.

“Why?” I panicked, “Why is it happening again?”

Now I’m calmer, of course, I realise it was something and nothing.

I also wrote in GAME PLAN that even if there were HOWARDS around, then I don’t currently work for a firm who would allow them to become too disrespectful.

Talk about testing out the theory! I went to personnel for help, to explain my nerves cannot take even mildly abusive typos and amendments anymore. I know I look a bit crazy - and my fears are to do with the past rather than the present, but needs must. Anyway, who wants to be in fear of making the slightest error lest they incur increasingly seething scribbled monologues of someone senior?

And who’d have thought that one typo would have put the frighteners on me the way it did? Are you superstitious? The letter was dated Friday 13th.

One word and two initials unleashed spectres I really don’t care to see again.

Best wishes
BBTB x

WEEK 160 Neighbourhood Watch

2011-05-11T06:49:00.000+01:00

Last weekend, my blog about bystander apathy had a few nerves twitching and subsequently Twittering.

I can understand why.

I mean, it touched on those work colleagues that compound your problem by doing nothing when you’re faced with 8 hours of workplace bullying. And it’s a no-brainer that the apparent lack of compassion from co-workers allows the abuse to continue. Every claim that they didn’t hear a word screamed at you by your boss is a knife in the back. Talk about being lonely in a room full of people. Bystander apathy is enough to convince you that you’re completely invisible.

So why am I showing the silent, unhelpful onlookers such lenience? Well, consider what you’d do if it was happening to the person next to you. Really think about it. What would you do if your boss was abusing your nearest work colleague on a daily basis?

The name of the game here is doubt.

We all doubt ourselves, especially when our moral concerns might require us to tip an established workplace hierarchy on its head.

One of the first things you’re going to question is your right to involve yourself in someone else’s business. You’ll worry about getting the wrong end of the stick. If you wade in wagging a disapproving finger, you might come across like a meddling do-gooder.

Offers to help can backfire spectacularly. What if you’re misreading a 50/50 personality clash? What if it’s a case of office politics and they’re both used to it? Perhaps it’s a flash-in-the-pan flare up which will be settled later over coffee and a chuckle of how stupid it all was. What an idiot you’ll look if you took sides and offered to compile a witness statement!

But there is something you can do if you see a colleague going through it. Remember the Rope-a-Dope technique from my WEEK 152 blog? Being quiet is very different to doing nothing.

Record the specifics of the bullying behaviour you witness and leave it there – for the moment. You’ll know what to do with the information should the need arise. This way, you protect yourself and your colleague at the same time.

It’s the first step in creating a Neighbourhood Watch dynamic as opposed to a room of callous onlookers. Just because no-one knows you’re a curtain-twitcher is neither here nor there.

So let’s get those curtains twitching in your work environment and keep the Tweets coming.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 159 Bystander Apathy

2011-05-07T06:22:00.000+01:00

I did everything I could for OLLIE’S secretary.

I suppose I felt, after Ann Lewis’ professional support helped me settle in my current job, that OLLIE’S secretary just needed a little support too. She cried on my shoulder and I listened.

Whilst on paper we were friends, we both had issues from our old firm. She was bitter about it and angry to be doing a similar job, thanks to my encouragement. From my perspective, she’d never been particularly interested in what I was going through myself. I always was the shoulder to cry on.

When I needed her – she was gone.

Now, having been absent for the whole of April, my new firm posted her a letter of dismissal.

She’s been ignoring my texts for weeks. Bumping into a mutual friend yesterday, the first person she asked about was OLLIE’S secretary. I said I’d not heard from her for almost a month. We’re both worried, but the mutual friend was having her own problems. In a redundancy pool of legal secretaries, she was finding out yesterday if they are keeping her. She’s hurt by OLLIE’S secretary’s lack of interest.

I know how she feels. I was myself a little annoyed at OLLIE’S secretary’s bystander apathy at our old firm. Anyone who’s been targeted in work will tell you that staff ignoring the situation rubs salt in the workplace bullying wound. However, I’ve learnt a lesson here. Perhaps it’s the only way some people can cope in awkward circumstances. She's not ignoring us because she doesn't like us. At the moment, she lacks the strength to get involved with her friends, just as she lacks the strength to stick at her new job.

It’s easy to be angry and annoyed when people opt out of the game to watch from the sidelines. But maybe it’s kinder to leave them there until they’re ready to come back.

And I truly hope she does at some point soon.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 158 Game Plan

2011-05-02T11:14:00.001+01:00

From the first time I pulled a workplace bullying book off the library shelf, looking for a solution to HOWARD’s behaviour, I’ve disliked categories. Do you know what I mean? Here’s an example of how they read:-

People are more likely to be bullied if they are creative/introverted/shy/popular/hard working/independent etc etc etc.

Fitting personality types into ‘bullied’ and ‘bully’ boxes is a bit of a game; a pretence that we can hold aspects of human nature in neat, identifiable lists. And the bottom line is that it puts the responsibility on the victim, saying “I know you can’t help it, but your personality is partly to blame.”

I never really bought that my identity cards were marked for life; that my personality predestined me to be bullied, whilst other’s personalities might predestine them to bully. Why couldn’t it be as simple as one person not liking another and being in a position to play games with them if they’re working in a subordinate position?

If anything proves my case, it’s my return to work tomorrow following the Bank Holiday. In my new job, I’m still surprised to be invited out socially by a variety of different departments. Colleagues phone me at home to shoot the breeze. They’re not laughing at me now - they’re laughing with me.

They like me just as I am.

So if it was the case that I’m the type to be bullied – where are they? Where are the new HOWARDS? Where are the people so incensed by my creativity/introversion/shyness/popularity/work ethic/independence etc etc etc that they’d do anything to destroy me?

The point is, even if there were people at this new firm who didn’t like me, it’s not the kind of place that allows colleagues to torment each other – even under the pretence of a joke. Staff aren’t floundering under the pressure of hundreds of urgent, yet utterly boring case files, and so praying for a dramatic diversion. There’s no bloodlust of boredom to keep the room happy, as in:-

“Quick! Throw a secretary to the lions!”

So if someone is trying to throw you into the amphitheatre for entertainment, don’t blame yourself for the fact that you’ve been picked. If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. The important thing is to get out intact.

With any luck, you’ll end up working for a firm where the only entertainment discussed is what people got up to over the Bank Holiday.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK 157 Old Scars

2011-04-27T07:02:00.001+01:00

Like many, I was back in work yesterday.

We’re horribly short staffed, with OLLIE’S secretary still being off work and two others down with sickness. As my desk was piled higher with urgent typing, I felt guilty explaining I had to pop to the hospital mid-morning to the Day Surgery Unit.

I need an operation. I’m not telling you what it is. Not because it’s life threatening (it’s not), but because it’s a little embarrassing. It’s the kind of operation normally associated with little old ladies. I raced to the Unit, reasoning the op wouldn’t be scheduled for months.

You can imagine my shock when the nurse explained I’ll be under the knife in three weeks. She also said I would need two weeks off work and possibly a month off exercise. My head swam with the implications. I’d have to tell my boss when we’re on a skeleton staff as it is. Returning to the office and my mountain of work, I began to panic.

When my few remaining colleagues asked what I was having done, I didn’t want to tell them. Not after what I went through with HOWARD and my arm (WEEK 50 Operation to WEEK 53 Collection Point). Defensive and shocked with the speed of it, I explained I would use my annual leave for the operation.

If I was trying to keep things quiet I went the wrong way about it. They were outraged. The lady in personnel e-mailed to explain that “You are fully entitled to your statutory rights, you know!!!” No-one could understand why I would offer to do such a thing. I sat there on the verge of tears of frustration. It was impossible to explain I’m obviously still coming to terms with the fact that I’m entitled to the same rights as everyone else.

I clammed up again – as is my way when under pressure. People asked if I was alright. I nodded, kept my head down and typed.

I gave it a lot of thought last night. I’m going to go in today and explain I will take sick leave for the operation – just like everyone else. I’m going to remind myself I deserve it – just like everyone else. And I’m going to have to remind myself – yet again – that this is not my old firm I’m working for.

I’m headed in the statutory right direction.

But if you want an idea of how long workplace bullying affects your decisions years after you’ve changed your employment – this is a good example. The old scars may have healed, but the area can remain sensitive for a great deal longer.

Best wishes,
BBTB x

WEEK 156 DIY

2011-04-23T08:41:00.000+01:00

There was a time when people thought the world was flat. It was just a matter of perspective, of course. Just because something looks and feels flat doesn’t mean it is. You have to look at it from all different angles.

Of course, some things are what they are. Take my home for instance. Wherever you stand, it needs decorating. Whatever light I shed on it, it still looks jaded and tired.

My home and I could both do with a fresh outlook.

So this Easter holiday I’m donning my painting clothes, buying paint and borrowing ladders. I’m putting in the elbow grease and then decamping to my mother’s whilst the paint dries and the gloss smell fades.

Do something different this Easter to give yourself a fresh perspective – even if it’s just a fresh coat of paint. It’s amazing how being domestically creative can feel like a holiday in itself.

See you when I get back.

Have a happy Easter.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK 154 AWOL

2011-04-20T07:22:00.002+01:00

I haven’t seen OLLIE’S ex-secretary for weeks.

Still officially on probation, she went off sick with a respiratory infection a matter of days after complaining to personnel about her boss. Since then, she’s not only failed to return my texts, but she’s also failed to produce any sick notes.

When she phoned to speak to management yesterday, I grabbed my opportunity to ask her what was happening. She sounded more depressed than breathless. “I don’t care anymore” she said. “My cards are marked now anyway”.

It wasn’t just working for PHILIP at our old firm that finished her off. Equally, it was the period of financial hardship after - when she eventually got a job, she had to work 7 days a week to keep a roof over her head. It also didn’t help that she was made redundant from the only two jobs she ever loved.

There’s no two ways about it – she’s given up.

I have an inkling what OLLIE’S secretary is going to do. Just before she got ill she confessed she thought she could survive on benefits. I’m really disappointed, but I have to remind myself we always did have very different outlooks. Perhaps six months or so recuperation will give her a little strength.

It’s a corny phrase, I know, but I can’t help thinking that, “Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to get up again.”

I’m praying she gets back on her feet sometime soon.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK 153 Time Flies

2011-04-16T07:04:00.000+01:00

If there’s one thing I’d warn targets of workplace bullying about – it’s the dangers of the extended present.

Extended present is where the prolonged bullying has gone on so long that it consumes target and perpetrator. Both employees become sucked into the atrocious drama of it all. It certainly happened to me. HOWARD was obsessed with bullying and harassing me; playing games by dragging in unwitting people to join him. I was obsessed with proving him wrong and eventually being in a position to expose him for what he was.

The bottom line is that the poisonous atmosphere in work becomes the only air you breathe; it consumes you. Past and future melt away. You shut down socially. If it goes on for too long, it seems you exist only to participate in a toxic game. Thus, present time is stretched indefinitely.

It’s nothing more than a coping mechanism, but the longer you remain in the extended present, the more damaging it is. The more you detach from a regular way life, the harder it is to it pick back up.

So it was a wonderful thing yesterday to have worked for my new firm for exactly a year. My employment lawyer boss laughed and said “Damn! It’s too late to sack you!” “Don’t think I’m not fully aware my employment rights just kicked in!” I replied, laughing too.

But the real good news is that the year has flown. Time seems to have righted itself.

I hope it’s working properly for you too.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK 152 Rope-a-Dope

2011-04-09T14:55:00.002+01:00

Controversial I know, but since my teenage days, when I came across a tape of Mohammed Ali’s Rumble in the Jungle fight against George Foreman, I’ve been inspired by Ali’s legendary rope-a-dope and boxing in general.

The rope-a-dope technique is where a boxer covers up, lying with his back to the ropes, allowing his opponent to take pot-shots at his defences. After a number of rounds, the opponent assumes the guy on the ropes has no fight in him. Maybe he wonders if the guy is ill. He unloads his punches. He goes to town on the weaker athlete. Pretty soon, the busy boxer wears himself out. It’s a tiring business punching away at something round after round. And it gets boring. It’s at this point that the guy on the ropes jumps out from his defensive guard and fights back with everything he’s got. Surprise!

Ali’s rope-a-dope is a now an accepted strategic move in any competitive situation outside sport. One party deliberately appears to put themselves in what looks like a losing position, but only does so with a view to winning in the end.

I’m only talking about this because the non-pugilist rope-a-dope is what I’d recommend anyone do when they’re targets of workplace bullying.

A friend of mine recently asked what I thought about them trying to expose their bully to the press or TV. They wanted revenge or justice. It’s understandable, but not advisable. It’s not our job to punish our colleagues for their antisocial behaviour, however appealing the idea might be.

We need to find a solution, whilst not showing any fight or aggression. Patience is the name of the game. Bide your time observing. Think about what you can do to get yourself out of the unpleasant situation. In the meantime, when they make a mistake, which they inevitably will, you can tell it like it is and people will pat you on the back.

Simply give them enough rope-a-dope to hang themselves, and you may find they do it all for you.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK 151 Sixteen Tons

2011-04-06T07:58:00.000+01:00

“You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt”

Since workplace bullying gave me first-hand experience of the justice system, I never miss law related documentaries. At the moment, I’m addicted to ‘See you in Court’ on BBC1. It follows people who have been libelled by newspapers. Swap the word ‘libelled’ with the word ‘bullying’ and that’s essentially what it’s about.

In the first episode, Lembit Opik alleged he’d been libelled (bullied) by Sunday Times columnist, Rod Liddle after he’d written that Lembit Opik was an ‘Estonian loon’ with a ‘misshapen head’.

Sheryl Gascoigne alleged she’d been libelled (bullied) over a 13 year period by the News of the World and the Sunday Mirror. She’d been called a ‘lying bitch’. The papers had collectively blamed her for ruining her husband’s career.

The overall outcome was depressing. It wasn’t depressing because Lembit had to drop his claim. We all saw that one coming due to his courting of the press every time he got a girlfriend. But in Sheryl Gascoigne’s case, she won a public apology and was awarded £60,000 in all.

Having spent around £200,000 to win that £60,000, the Courts then have to decide how much of those £200,000 costs they would make the losing side pay. Costs are assessed on the ‘Standard Basis’. Judges never make the losing party (in this case the newspapers) pay for all the legal fees – because they know full well, lawyers overcharge on everything.

So ultimately, having to pay 35 – 40% of her astronomical costs, Sheryl Gascoigne’s legal win was a financial loss.

Roy Greenslade, reviewing the programme in The Guardian, asked in his blog:-

“Why, indeed, do lawyers still claim their full fees from clients after judges have decided that they are worth only 65% of what they bill?”

It’s an interesting question because where it should have been Sheryl Gascoigne’s winning case, it somehow morphed into her lawyer’s winning case. Roddy Chisholm Batten won in the end. The whole set up reminds me of two lines in Tennessee Ernie Ford’s Sixteen Tons.

“One fist of iron and the other of steel. If the right don’t get you then the left one will.”

Best wishes,
BBTB x

WEEK 150 Office Politics

2011-04-02T14:44:00.000+01:00

I’ve been thinking about the Grievance Process this week; the ACAS official procedure for dealing with employment complaints. Getting the Grievance Procedure to work? Now that’s a real employment challenge. The irony is, of course, it’s pretty much unemployable.

A genuine attempt to resolve a problem with one or two colleagues usually gives the complainant a larger problem with management. Putting your hand up and saying “I have a problem” is often met with management asking “You have a problem with us? How do we know the problem isn’t you?”

And so it starts. You’re the one defending yourself.

It’s a complicated matter; with an unsatisfying outcome for almost everyone who goes through it. It’s office politics at its most basic. You play the game or they vote you out. So I’ve been thinking about what positives we can take from it. For an alleged problem solving process which gives us a bigger problem than we had in the first place, is there anything we can take comfort from?

Perhaps it’s this. Although I’ve never known a case where the company does side with the employee lodging the complaint – we have to strip it back to our initial expectations for lodging a grievance. Isn’t it to set boundaries? Isn’t it to make management aware that we’re sick to the back teeth of the situation we’re in? Even if the company defends itself - behind closed doors management won’t want the situation to repeat. They’re more than likely to be monitoring things in future. And that’s what you wanted, right?

We have to let go of the expectation that they’ll agree with us. Whilst they’ll never admit their company employs a difficult member of staff who enjoys making employees’ lives miserable, that’s not to say they’re completely ignorant of it. If you’re the one who flagged it up - you should be proud of it.

However, if you need management to publicly agree; if you need them to take charge, punish the person who bullied you and apologise on behalf of their firm then it’s unlikely to happen. It’s probably not going to happen if you stay, and it’s equally not going to happen if you claim breach of contract/constructive dismissal and pursue it all the way to the Employment Tribunal.

So you have to ask yourself what you really want in this situation. Do you want to make a complaint? On the other hand, do you want to change your firm and the way it operates? Perhaps you want to change firms and the way you operate?

These are just things to think about.

I’ve always held that the Grievance Procedure is useless. I’ve no expectations that ACAS will agree with me. Whilst they’ll never admit their organisation universally recommends a course of action which is more trouble than it’s worth, that’s not to say they’re completely ignorant of it either.

I just want to register my complaint.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 149 Sensitive Soul

2011-03-30T07:14:00.000+01:00

If you’re a regular reader, you’ll know that a couple of weeks ago the one year anniversary of leaving my old job passed by. Cue a strange life-crisis where I developed an overwhelming urge for a make-over. I wanted to be a new person; myself, but better. I wanted to emerge butterfly like, from the cocoon of past employment hurts.

The minute I’d got over my throat infection – I got busy.

First I booked a deep facial. The idea was that my skin would be glowing. My eyes watered as my face was chemically exfoliated. I had no idea that these things were so painful. I’d been warned of a small amount of sensitivity – only to feel like I was getting second degree burns. It didn’t look as bad as it felt, but that wasn’t much consolation.

The second thing I planned was to get back in shape. I aimed to be toned in ten days. I booked back to back classes; boot-camp, sprinting and kettle-bell classes. Now I’m walking like an old lady because my quads are so tight. Climbing stairs is a nightmare. My arms and legs are bruised from the extra martial arts classes I signed up for. My right shin caught my partner’s elbow twice, resulting in egg shaped lumps.

The third element was the most exciting. I decided to really splash out and have my teeth whitened; a real affirmation that I would have more to smile about from now on.

The dentist said it was pretty simple. He gave me the trays, syringes, and it all came packaged in a stylish black and white gift bag. I was sold. Or I was until I took the 20% bleach solution, applied it to the trays and stuck them in my mouth last night. Every nerve in my teeth pinged and twitched. An electric current surged through my canines and molars. And I was supposed to sleep with them in? For two to three weeks? Sleep? Are you kidding? I got around 45 minutes in all. I lay there longing for the morning and telling myself over and over it would be worth it in the end.

Who’d have thought that in trying to put sensitive matters behind me, I’d need quite as much Witch Hazel and Sensodyne toothpaste?

Ouch.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 148 Crossed Wires

2011-03-26T07:05:00.000Z

Working in the employment dept of a law firm, you see all sorts of claims coming in. Naturally, the more unusual or scandalous provoke debate. Every so often, there’s a claim which shares similar aspects to my own.

I didn’t know where to look yesterday when the subject of covert recording came up. In a particular Tribunal action, an employee had used a tape recorder to prove racial discrimination. When she was eventually reinstated to her old position, the secretaries in our firm were outraged.

“How can they let her back after something like that” they demanded. “If you know a colleague had tape recorded something, you’d never trust them again!”

Shocked at the level of outrage, I put my head down and typed.

From their perspective, of course, it sounds outrageous. It’s hard to believe the person who did it was so scared and desperate they’d protect themselves with a recording device. I mean, this is real life, right? Not a James Bond movie. But it’s a good thing they don’t understand. It’s a horrible position to be in - when you’re so desperate to stop what’s happening that you’ll resort to transcribing the humiliating things people have said to you.

I certainly wouldn’t advise taping your average office jerk, but if I came up against serious verbal abuse in the workplace, I wouldn’t hesitate to use it again. If someone repeatedly threatens you and subjects you to covert emotional abuse and the only way to prove it is by covertly recording it, why rule it out?

I like to think that if my new colleagues heard the comments which prompted me to do it, they’d be equally outraged, but knowing what I know about bystander apathy – I wouldn’t count on it. Even OLLIE’S secretary never raised an objection. Absorbed as she was in her own problems, she comfortably assumed I was simply hardened to the bits and pieces she witnessed.

People just don’t know how to listen.

And in a world where people have forgotten how to listen, we sometimes have to employ unusual methods to make ourselves heard.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 147 Yes Miss

2011-03-23T08:15:00.002Z

A pal at Bully OnLine flagged up an interesting item about whistleblowers and how their expectations of what they’ll achieve are often unrealistic. I couldn’t agree more that this also applies to cases of taking action against bullying.

So this was an interesting backdrop when OLLIE’S ex-secretary ended up making a complaint to personnel yesterday. Not that she’s being bullied, but the fee earner she works for is a tad over-controlling and curt. Add to that the chip on my old friend’s shoulder from the last firm we worked at, and it spells trouble.

OLLIE’S secretary went in with a list of complaints as long as your arm. Endless examples of She-said-this-and-she-did-that!

After listening patiently and taking notes, the personnel lady said they had had a word with that particular fee earner, a long time ago, but it hadn’t changed a thing. I wasn’t surprised. What surprised me was that OLLIE’S secretary still didn’t get the point. She expected personnel to address her fee earner’s attitude.

I thought OLLIE’S secretary would have learned to take a step back. She’s only just passed probation. Personnel don’t know her. On the other hand, they know the fee earner she works for very well. She’s a bit “school-teacherish” at times, but it’s not something they can take action about.

My old friend is angry and resentful and she’s not doing herself any favours. The fee earners and personnel can see her bristling with outrage. If I’d known she was going to complain beforehand, I’d have made her sleep on it.

Sometimes you have to play the game.

Choose your battles. If you’re working for a school-teacher, you’re often better off taking her an apple than complaining to the Head Master.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 146 Fit for a Princess

2011-03-19T11:55:00.001Z

I’m looking forward to the royal wedding.

I don’t come across as the most romantic person in the world – and I’m not necessarily, but weddings have a curious effect on me.

My own wedding was lovely. The whole day was rose-gold and cream, crystals and ivory silk. I never thought it would happen to me. Louis Armstrong’s ‘Wonderful World’ played in the background as we exchanged our vows. I wore a tiara and my friend’s little girl followed me around saying “You’re a princess!” My entire family were there, wishing us well. Although the groom is long gone, weddings remain gloriously soft focus.

Whilst I was looking forward to the royal wedding, I wasn’t going to buy them anything. Or I wasn’t until I saw their gift list. Kate Middleton and Prince William have asked their guests and well wishers to donate to one of 26 charities. Included is the Beatbullying charity. It’s said Kate chose them because she had to be removed from a particular school after just two terms because of bullying. Beatbullying are now planning to ask Kate to become a patron.

Can you imagine how those former school kids must be feeling, knowing they bullied the future Queen of England? Ouch. There’s a lesson for bullies and the people they target.

I like Kate’s fairytale example.

Because maybe we’re the one’s who’ll live happily ever after.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 145 March Madness

2011-03-17T06:22:00.000Z

Exactly a year ago today, I walked into my old firm clutching my “To whom it may concern letter”. I dug it out this morning, having half a mind to write a blog about the terrible things mentioned in it, and how I’d successfully moved on.

I forgot how unpleasant that letter is. The specifics are certainly too unpleasant for my blog. Not that I haven’t moved on, but the details remain upsetting. I signed off that letter saying I couldn’t take any more.

How I longed for this first anniversary to be triumphant!

I hoped to announce I’ve found a publisher. I hoped to say I’m 100% recovered and better than ever. But this is real life. I have a nasty case of tonsillitis. My whole head is aching and my throat is full of ground glass. I’m still hunting for a publisher after a most disappointing let down last week.

Looking on the bright side, however, I’ve still come a long way since that letter. Add to that the fact that the weather is a few degrees warmer and the sun is starting to shine. I’m hoping my recent illness and disappointments are just the last remnants of my own period of winter.

Bring on spring.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 144 Daydream Believer

2011-03-12T13:30:00.000Z

It’s been one helluva week.

And all my own fault, of course.

A big-name publisher kept my workplace bullying manuscript for six and a half months. I was cool at first, telling myself not to get my hopes up. But as the months dragged by, I daydreamed about getting a yes. What if? What if I could get a top publisher? Blimey, I could hold my head up then. What a comeback to HOWARD’S assertions that I’d never make it as a writer. Hurrah!

For the last couple of weeks I knew they were going to say yes with every ounce of my being. I’d waited so long. It had to be a big, fat, glorious YES.

They said no.

There was nothing wrong with the book, but they said my platform’s not big enough. They’d asked me about my following on Twitter and on the blog. How I wish now that I’d lied (although they would have rumbled me in the end). It’s a tough book marketing world out there. These days you have to be well known, super fashionable or a celebrity to land that sort of publisher.

I hold myself to blame in the respect that if I’d spent more time Tweeting and getting my “brand” out there, it might have been a different outcome. Also, if I’d spent less time daydreaming and more time being realistic I wouldn’t feel quite so heartbroken.

So it’s time to knuckle down and expand my platform, and maybe one of these days I’ll announce my train has pulled in.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 143 Crepe Crusader 2011

2011-03-09T07:45:00.000Z

I can hardly let Pancake Day slide without reference to this time last year when, suffering from anxiety and depression, Betty Crocker pancakes were my dietary staple, seconded only by Greens pancakes (the only difference is you have to add your own egg).

What I don’t know about pancake mixes or workplace bullying isn’t worth knowing.

I was tickled yesterday every time some asked “Will you have pancakes tonight, Eva?” as my new colleagues discussed crepe fillings. I did have pancakes yesterday evening. I’m not going to buck tradition - but that’s my lot for this year.

There’s a saying about those who want to change the situation they’re in. They’re said to be trying to “flip the script”. A year on, I feel I’ve done just that. And I’ve also flipped the pancake on comfort eating.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 142 Forgive and Forget?

2011-03-05T10:39:00.001Z

Do you like reading tweeted literary quotes? I do. My current inspirational favourite is:-

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much”

Not only is he right, Oscar Wilde would have adored Twitter!

Ordinarily, forgiveness is a controversial subject when it comes to workplace bullying. Emotions run high. It’s very easy to confuse sympathy and forgiveness. Sympathy allows the anti-social behaviour to repeat. Forgiveness is a cut-off boundary that our abuser has no control of. It’s easier to do once we’re out of the bullying situation as it’s an act of letting go, releasing and moving on. It’s an inner mission statement – “You have no power over me. Your place is in the past – and I’m forgetting you.”

I’m not saying that forgiving someone is plain sailing. It takes work. I can go for months thinking I’ve forgiven HOWARD and my old firm, and then have a weekend where I’m so angry at them, I don’t know what to do with myself.

But if you’ve suffered from workplace bullying, then do make every effort to forgive the person/s who did it. Not for their sake (as Oscar Wilde points out - they’d hate you for it anyway), but for yours.

You deserve it.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 141 Loophole

2011-03-02T07:56:00.000Z

Just after Christmas I was approached about being involved with the Bully OnLine website to help with editing. Sure, I said. I have a great deal of respect for Bully OnLine. It was one of the first resources I found back in 2008, when my problems began with HOWARD.

Editors are meant to work in pairs so finding a friend on the forum was the first step. This week I met the anonymous ‘ujlia22’. She told me of the awful experience she’d had with trying to get legal redress after workplace bullying. She was candid. Her union weren’t much help. The law was even worse. ‘Ujlia22’ was angry and hurt, and her pain and frustration had obviously been compounded after she’d left her workplace bully far behind.

It occurred to me that aside from me and ‘ujlia22,’ few people are ready to talk about their experiences with the legal system after workplace bullying. I’m not surprised. It’s often a deeply humiliating process. With few laws against workplace bullying – we’re treated as though we’re ignorant or naive. We’re looked at with suspicion; as though we’re having a flutter on the compensation culture and trying our hand.

Legally, there’s a strange backward view to workplace bullying. As there is no specific law against it (it currently has to be combined with a breach of your statutory rights; sex discrimination, disability discrimination etc), the law’s attitude is that if it doesn’t exist legally – it doesn’t really count. Wouldn’t it be nice if life were that simple!

However, the real truth is that where exploitation is allowed by law – it’s called a loophole. It means there is an exposed oversight, as opposed to there being no problem at all.

So if you’ve tried to get legal redress for workplace bullying, but been told you don’t have a claim because the law doesn’t recognise it, don’t be embarrassed for yourself.

If anyone should be looking sheepish, it’s your lawyer.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 140 Better Safe than Sorry

2011-02-26T12:00:00.001Z

OLLIE’S ex-secretary and I don’t often mention our experiences at our old firm in work. I signed a confidentiality clause, and we’re both aware you had to see it to believe it.

The problem with workplace bullying is it rarely sounds as bad as it actually is. Taking the experience of OLLIE’S ex-secretary, she was bullied by PHILIP in as much as he swore at her a lot and once threw a file on her desk, hitting her on the elbow. It sounds like nothing, but walking on eggshells around him was exhausting. He was a man always on the brink of swearing, or kicking his cabinets. He was impatient and cantankerous, but it’s obviously difficult to relay quite how impossible he was.

So when someone was moaning about their boss last week, OLLIE’S ex-secretary attempted to tell colleagues about PHILIP. It started well. They swapped stories of fee earners who swore a lot. When she told them of his temper, they agreed it sounded horrible. Still, I could tell OLLIE’S ex-secretary was disappointed she wasn’t doing him justice. She wanted people to know exactly what PHILIP was like.

“He threw things at me”, she continued.

“Did he?” they asked. “Yes. He threw a file on my desk, hitting me on the elbow.” You could see everyone in the room putting it down to possibly being an accident. That’s when OLLIE’S ex-secretary kind of went off script.

“And...um...he often threw papers in my face!”

I didn’t remember that happening.

“And...um...he once threw a bin at me!” She asked me to back her up.

There had been an infamous incident with a bin, but OLLIE’S ex-secretary hadn’t been with the firm back then. PHILIP had been in such a foul temper when opening the post that he’d stamped on a big pile of envelopes overflowing from a waste paper bin. He got his foot stuck in the bin and ended up ranting, swearing like a madman and trying to kick the bin off his foot in temper as the receptionist and I hid under our desks, snorting with laughter. It was a well known story at our old firm.

I answered OLLIE’S ex-secretary with a non-committal “Mmm,” but everyone in the room knew she was exaggerating. There was a tell-tale lack of conviction in her delivery.

The frustrating thing was that I could feel everyone giving PHILIP the benefit of the doubt.

This is why I’m so insistent about people writing down their experiences of workplace bullying. When you stick to the facts, there’s an inevitable ring of truth about it. And writing things down means you’re less likely to forget the details. The minute you exaggerate or get things muddled up, people lose confidence in what you’re saying.

The other problem about exaggerating workplace bullying experience is that doing so often leaves us feeling weaker. It reinforces our position as victim. We waste energy in labouring the point, rather than attempting to move forward.

Sticking to the truth, or making no comment at all, may feel unsatisfying at times but you’ll always be on safe ground. And where workplace bullying facts are concerned, it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 139 The Best Medicine

2011-02-23T07:05:00.003Z

Feeling a bit under the weather, I phoned my mum.

“I know it was hell. It really was,” I said, “but there were plenty of times we were crying with laughter weren’t there?” I asked. Mum chortled, and reminded me of her favourite comedy moments. These moments were mainly behind the scenes scrapes; before it got deeply unpleasant.

One of the scariest was when I posted a letter and cheque to the IT guy helping to set up the blog. In a rush, I threw it into the sack of office mail to be collected that evening. Two days later, the receptionist handed it back to me, minus the envelope. I’m never going to forget staring in horrified confusion at my damning correspondence which began “Re: Bullied by the Boss blog.”

It’s an industry standard that a Partner helps to open the mail. PHILIP had opened my undelivered, returned-to-sender letter and stamped it with his date stamp before realising it was personal.

I had no idea what kind of trouble I might be in. Would I be called to explain? Would he have given it anything more than a cursory glance? Would he put two and two together and sack me for gross misconduct?

I was stuffing the letter in my bag and cursing myself for being a complete idiot when PHILIP marched over. I froze. Beads of sweat materialised as I stared at my computer screen, waiting for the axe to fall. Just as I was about to make up some ridiculous lie as to what ‘Bullied by the Boss Blog’ might refer to, he started dictating a letter over my shoulder. I tapped out the benign letter to the Court under his instruction. Once done, he said he was popping out for lunch – and he was gone.

He obviously hadn’t read it.

Watching him drive off from the corridor window, I laughed with the sheer relief of it. I called my mum and told her about PHILIP date stamping my Bullied by the Boss correspondence. She laughed her head off, and told me someone up there must like me. That was one of her favourites.

One of my favourites was the time when I’d printed out two early blogs for my mum to read and told her I’d masterminded a plan to collect a particular piece of workplace bullying evidence. People around us wondered what we were laughing about. “It’s like a film! It’s like Mission Impossible,” my mum said. “Is it?” I asked, pointing out that I was a target of workplace bullying and we were sitting in the laundrette waiting for my washing to dry.

That’s probably my favourite memory. Maybe it's because my sense of humour lifted us both out a city laundrette, away from an otherwise miserable tale of workplace bullying and transported us somewhere creative and challenging.

A sense of humour is liberating. Find something in your situation to laugh about; turn a case of nerves into nervous laughter, and you’re halfway there.

Best wishes
BBTB x

WEEK 138 Road to Recovery

2011-02-19T06:23:00.000Z

Last week was a tough one, so I spent my evenings in the gym or running. Endorphins help.

During Thursday’s gruelling exercise class, as I was doubled over gasping for breath, my trainer timed my recovery back to normal breathing. As my heart rate dropped and he clicked off his timer, he looked pleased. As with life - it’s not so much what you’ve been through, as how quick you can recover and throw yourself back into the game which is the greatest test of your health.

So although I had an emotional wobble mid-week, defaulting back to my books, my affirmation CDs and getting plenty of exercise meant I soon bounced back.

That’s what I’m taking from this week. If there’s one positive about going through life’s trials, it’s that you do get through them – and the more you go through, the faster you recover.

Wouldn’t it be fascinating if we had some way of measuring our mental resilience after prolonged bullying; a workplace health trainer stood over us holding a stopwatch? What an interesting experiment that might be.

In the meantime, I’m not just on the road to recovery - I’m up and running again.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 137 Delusions of Grandeur

2011-02-17T07:06:00.000Z

I’m in crisis.

I don’t know where it came from. I think it’s been sneaking up on me for a few weeks.

The problems started when I realised how badly OLLIE’S ex-secretary had been affected by everything. Rather than rebel, like I did, she’s defeated and demoralised. But worse than that, she believes wholeheartedly that people like us are jokes; we’re eternal victims.

I told her I was trying to get a book published with a London publisher. My way of saying “I’m not a joke”. She looked at me kindly, but as though I was having delusions of grandeur; like one of those kids from X-Factor who can’t sing, but turn up every year with a big dream.

“People like us” she regularly assures me, “are just unlucky in life”.

Thanks.

I wonder if she realises that she’s echoing in kindness everything HOWARD said about me in spite. I’m the forgotten, unloved clown. The only difference is – she identifies with me.

Were they right all along?

Have I been suffering delusions of grandeur, thinking I can be a writer?I’m giving it another month. If nothing has changed or I fail to find a publisher, then it’s time for me to give up.

Best wishes and thanks for sticking with me this far.

BBTB x

WEEK 136 Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T08:08:00.000Z

Is it really a year since I wrote the humiliating blog Just Dance?

Looking back, it’s like an anti-Valentine; a tribute to negative chemistry and passionate dislike. It ended, of course, with my bursting into tears at my desk and having to take a breather after seeing HOWARD dancing in triumph in front of our Practice Manager.

This year, nobody’s said a word. I’m probably one of the few singletons about to enjoy every minute of the day. I’ve bought chocoloate biscuits for my colleagues, and I’ve bought a separate box of fortune cookies for us single gals.

I don’t mind what my cookie says. Whatever the future brings, it can’t fail to be better than the past.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 135 Fight or Flight

2011-02-10T07:28:00.003Z

Sat opposite OLLIE’S ex-secretary, I’m struck how little she remembers about the way I was treated at our old firm. She had her own problems with PHILIP I suppose, and she bolted long before I did. It’s not just that though. She thinks I took the whole thing in my stride; water off a duck’s back.

I can’t help feeling a little disappointed.

At one point, I was so scared of HOWARD’S behaviour I wrote to a specialist on dehumanisation and bullying in America, telling them I didn’t know where it was going to end. A couple of times, I called the Samaritans.

After I left my old firm, they accused me of not having looked like somebody suffering from workplace bullying (despite suffering from hives, depression and having handed in my notice every few months).

But fear affects people in different ways.

Most people assume that if you were really that scared and intimidated – you’d run, like OLLIE’S ex-secretary and the numerous secretaries that walked out before her. Running away is a standard response, but there’s a second reaction to fear. The adrenaline that results from workplace bullying, like all adrenaline, produces a fight or flight chemical reaction. That’s what Bullied by the Boss was back then – creative fight.

It doesn’t mean for a moment I wasn’t scared. I was more scared of HOWARD, at times, than I’ve been of anyone else in my life.

I didn’t start writing my blog because I was immune to what was happening. Quite the opposite - I did it because I was being so badly affected.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 134 Statistically Speaking

2011-02-06T06:42:00.000Z

Sometimes I wish there were a ban on workplace bullying statistics and categorisations. Although I use them occasionally myself, I don’t think they contribute much. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional relevant bit of data but, when I see experts using stat after stat, part of me thinks, who cares?

When you’re trudging to work knowing that you’re in for another 8 hours of someone humiliating you, lying about you and treating you like dirt, knowing that “72% of bullies are bosses” or that “surveys show 73% of bullied targets endure bullying for more than six months; 44% for more than one year” actually doesn’t help. It borders on completely irrelevant.

These things can even make you feel lonelier. The numbers may say I’m not alone, but emotionally the percentages give me nothing.

I’m sure many of these workplace bullying mathematicians know something about their specialist subject, but I’d be interested to see exactly how much they’d be able to assist if you took their calculators away and asked them for advice over a cup of coffee.

The most important psychological statistic is this:-

The person going through it feels like they’re the only person in the world it’s happening to

Despite the fact that the above sentence is proved wrong by the statistics – there remains a real emotional truth there. Until the experts give this the respect it deserves, I’m always going to question their credentials. I’m going to wonder how much they can help me.

If you think about it, surveys, tables and statistics can be a distraction. Sometimes, it’s all about the expert telling us they’re an expert. So, let’s take the ego out of the equation. Come to think of it, let’s take the equation out of the equation.

Workplace bullying is about psychology and emotional abuse and, frankly, you can’t get a less emotional subject than mathematics.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 133 On Your Bike

2011-02-02T19:12:00.000Z

Yesterday, there was an interesting feature on the BBC about cyclists. They’re regularly being shoved off the road or injured, but other motorists have little sympathy for them and insurance companies don’t believe them. Their complaints fall on deaf ears. Their cuts and bruises are put down to their own stupidity.

So some cyclists have taken to wearing cameras in their helmets.

It’s worked. The footage can be used to name and shame guilty motorists who’ve squashed them. They can also use it in legal action against motorists suffering road rage. Further, a lawyer pointed out that it safeguards against the often differing accounts of eye witnesses.

Ben Parker, a cyclist featured on the report, said that he didn’t want it to become a case of ‘us versus them,’ and it would be nice if the evidence weren’t needed at all.

Sure, it would be nice not to need hard evidence, but allowing someone to walk in your shoes is the quickest way to unite people. The cameras enable everyone to see what the cyclist goes through. When the car on the film pulled out and smashed into the bike – I bet everybody watching flinched. I know I did. When the tanker scraped past the bike on a roundabout, narrowly avoiding pulling the rider under the wheels, I wanted to yell along with the terrified guy in trouble.

Likewise, this is why we need to record our experiences of bullying. And as far as possible, we need to be as unemotional as possible in our recording of it too. We need to give the facts and leave it there. Others will empathise of their own accord. We should allow them to consider what they might feel if this was their experience.

I’m sure that the motorists who watched the footage will be a little more considerate. Perhaps with the same considered use of shared experience in respect of workplace bullying, employers and the legal system might at some point follow suit.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 132 Backwards Business

2011-01-30T15:36:00.001Z

If you missed my Supermarket Sweep blog from a few weeks ago, I wrote the following:-

“British employers are calling for the qualifying period without employment rights extended from the one year to two. Can you think of an altruistic reason they might want it? Me neither. I predict rising numbers of people bullied/harassed and unfairly dismissed at 23.5 months. That’s right, you can treat them how you like, just move them on before their employment rights kick in.

“Employers are also asking for a mandatory £500 payment to be paid by employees wanting to take their employer to a Tribunal. What’s interesting about this is, at present, the £500 deposit is the amount a Tribunal Judge can order to deter a potentially unjustified claim by an employee. It seems employers, envying judicial power, have asked that every employee be treated as though they’re trying it on.

“If you were ever in doubt as to whose side the law is stacked on – here it is... We’ll see if it’s put into practice.”

Only a matter of weeks later, David Cameron and Vince Cable are unveiling their plans to do exactly this. They’ll have a battle on their hands with the trade unions, but I wonder how bad it’s going to get. Vince Cable said that the proposals will “give employers more confidence”. Of course it will. If I had the government in the palm of my hand, I’d be confident too.

The Daily Mail is heralding a return to the good old days, specifically 1999, when employment law was firmly in the employer’s favour.

Turning the legal clock back is the lazy business answer to the economic crisis. Don’t bother changing business culture or philosophy. Don’t bother staying competitive by improving your operation or product. Instead, just invest in lobbying to rewind the law so you can’t be penalised when you treat your workers unfairly or unlawfully.

It’s backwards business in every sense.

BBTB x

WEEK 131 Careless Whispers

2011-01-27T08:04:00.000Z

OLLIE’S ex-secretary is still with us and from my perspective it’s lovely working with an old friend. From her perspective, it’s not so good. She’s going through what I did when I started. If someone laughs, she thinks it’s about her. If someone whispers, she thinks she’s in trouble.

More than once she’s apologised for phoning me in panic on her way home. “No need to apologise”, I tell her. I’ve been there, done it and got the t-shirt. I couldn’t have done it myself without help in the form of Ann Lewis of Recover Your Balance.

I was thinking about all this when I picked up the phone to a potential new client. They asked for my boss. He’s away this week so I asked if the caller would like to speak to one of our other employment solicitors. The person on the phone stammered. “It’s about bullying,” they said. “But I don’t want to talk to anyone other than your boss.”

They’d got his name off our website.

This happens all the time, especially when people have been bullied at work. You can hear the fear in their voices. You might think they ask for my boss because of his reputation, but he’s not well known outside employment law. The truth is, they trust a name they don’t know – and they are hedging their bets their employers don’t know his name either. They fear I might inadvertently put them through to someone who also knows their boss or bully. Their faith has been shaken, they’re confidence knocked. They suspect every decision they make will lead to further trouble.

I hoped the person would call back but, as usual, they didn’t.

This is why I wrote my book. This is why I write my blog. As I sit across from OLLIE’S secretary and I end another call from a scared employee, I want to tell them, “Hey, yeah – it made me paranoid and scared too – but it’ll be alright in the end.” I can’t tell the callers on the phone. It would be highly inappropriate.

So I hope it reaches them this way.

BBTB x

WEEK 130 Punch Line

2011-01-23T15:31:00.001Z

I’ve made many Aussie friends through my blog, so it was especially sad reading about Geoff Stephens in the papers this week.

Mr Stephens was subjected to years of teasing in his Council job because of his Australian accent. His colleagues constantly ribbed him about it, but nobody realised how it was affecting him. The jokes culminated in him taking months off work and relying on a cocktail of anti-depressants. He said the abuse was such that it would “eventually kill him”.

You can imagine how it all started – one person cracking wise now and again. I’m sure Geoff Stephens took it for the light hearted fun it was. But when everybody starts joining in, it’s a different matter. Jokes about one person can all too quickly become utilised as an ice-breaker. Having a bad day or facing an awkward client? Simple – crack a few jokes about the Australian guy. Who doesn’t love a comedian, right?

Geoff was probably world class at laughing off ‘G’day, sport’ jokes and ‘throw another shrimp on the Barbie,’ but the anxiety, as I found myself, comes from the knowledge that all your colleagues see you as a cardboard cut-out. Your role at work, no matter how well you do your job, is one dimensional. They all sum you up in one word. In Geoff’s case, it was the word Australian. In mine, it was the word Ugly.

When you’re the butt of every office joke, you know you’ll never be taken seriously again.

It’s brutal.

They don’t call it a punch-line for nothing. And I guess Geoff finally had enough of rolling with the punches.

BBTB x

WEEK 129 National Bullying Helpline

2011-01-19T21:08:00.000Z

Almost a year after Gordon Brown was accused of bullying workers at No 10, the National Anti-bullying Helpline which brought the story to the media spotlight has listened to its last worried caller and shut.

The Charity Commission didn’t approve of the Helpline’s actions at the time. I admit it was controversial. The normally discrete charity director, Christine Pratt, was so angered by Downing Street’s flat denial of a bullying culture (having listened to 4 calls from No 10 staff) that she went on record with a public accusation.

I thought workplace bullying would be launched into the media spotlight, but what actually followed was a raging argument on whether Mrs Pratt had the right to speak her mind or not.

One questionable outburst from Mrs Pratt has resulted in a struggle to get funding and the subsequent closure of her charity, with its 13 year history of listening to up to 30 calls a day.

Talk about rough justice when Britain has its fair share of horribly run business where angry outbursts are a daily occurrence. No-one is cutting off the funding to these businesses. No-one is giving them a hard time or putting them through trial by media.

There’s one less workplace bullying resource as we head into 2011.

It makes me all the more determined to keep going.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 128 Button Pusher

2011-01-16T07:27:00.000Z

Now and then my buttons still get pushed by comments from fee earners which are reminiscent of HOWARD.

This week, a solicitor (not wanting to admit that he’d forgotten to send out a document) announced to my colleagues that he would have sent it earlier but for the fact that it took him ages to amend because I’d “completely forgotten how to spell halfway through typing it.”

Not only were there zero spelling mistakes in the document – but, obviously, I can spell. I’ve been able to spell for many years now –hence my holding down a secretarial job for a decade, blogging and listing writing as my favourite activity on my CV. Furthermore, I’ve found my ability to spell pretty unwavering. It doesn’t tend to come and go.

It took me a while to forget it. I know he was simply trying to save face. Granted, it’s not the right way to do it, but we’re all human. I’m also aware that successful people don’t generally make it to the top by constantly questioning themselves and analysing their position. They do what they do without question.

Very politely, I corrected him. I had to. He wasn’t happy about it, but if I’ve learnt anything from working with HOWARD, it’s that when we’re in that position, we have to draw a line for our colleague’s sake as much as ours. If they don’t know they’re pushing our buttons – they’ll continue to do it. If they think we’re happy to the rap for something they’ve done – they’ll keep blaming us. If left unchecked, humiliating accusations like that could, God forbid, become a regular part of my working day.

I’m going to continue setting boundaries. That way, the only buttons being pushed remain on the QWERTY keyboard.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 127 Supermarket Sweep

2011-01-12T07:43:00.002Z

On Monday I was shocked when I heard the BBC reporting about employers lobbying the government.

British employers are calling for the qualifying period without employment rights extended from the one year to two. Can think of an altruistic reason they might want it? Me neither. I predict rising numbers of people bullied/harassed and unfairly dismissed at 23.5 months. That’s right, you can treat them how you like, just move them on before their employment rights kick in.

Employers are also asking for a mandatory £500 payment to be paid by employees wanting to take their employer to a Tribunal. What’s interesting about this is, at present, the £500 deposit is the amount a Tribunal Judge can order to deter a potentially unjustified claim by an employee. It seems employers, envying judicial power, have asked that every employee be treated as though they’re trying it on.

If you were ever in doubt as to whose side the law is stacked on – here it is.

We’ll see if it’s put into practice. If so, then surely it’s only a matter of time before the Employment Tribunals are made redundant by the retail giants. And your local Court may close – only to reopen as Tesco Extra.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 126 Beer Goggles

2011-01-08T13:54:00.000Z

If you read my Can’t Bully Me blog a couple of months ago, you’ll know I was dreading the Christmas party. However, like many of the Christmas parties booked for Black Friday, ours was postponed due to blizzard conditions.

Re-scheduled for last night, I pulled myself together. I reasoned it couldn’t be worse than last year.

Anticipating the evening contributed to the lovely atmosphere in work. We were all told to watch the trainee solicitor in action after tales of his inevitable Beer Goggles and numerous disastrous dates because of them. “It happens all the time” he said. “They look beautiful the night before, but when I meet them the next day...”

We Googled our dresses so we had an idea of what we were all wearing. Mine was a black maxi dress which I’d worn for my last Christmas party in the company of HOWARD and friends. The once-worn dress was ready for another outing, even though I couldn’t shake the memory of HOWARD laughing about how fat I was.

We had bucks fizz before we left the office and then I hurried home to get changed.

After a shower and make up, I pulled on the maxi-dress. It looked okay, but would have looked a damn sight better if I could have yanked the zip up all the way. Confused, I took it off and looked at the label. Size 10? SIZE 10! I don’t remember being a size 10. I just remember being painfully self conscious of how fat I was made to feel.

I grabbed an alternative size 12 dress I’d bought recently. So why did I feel smaller than I had in the size 10 dress last year?

I put it down to working for a solicitor who didn’t wear Beer Goggles so much as Bully Goggles. Wearing Bully Goggles - nothing looks good, everyone is fat and ugly. No-one works well. Everyone’s a loser to be laughed at. And the problem with Bully Goggles is they’re two for the price of one. The target of bullying will eventually get a free pair without even knowing it.

So do make sure you consider your eye sight, in that it's still the world through your eyes and not theirs.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 125 Appraisal

2011-01-06T07:47:00.000Z

On the first day back of the New Year, we were handed pre-appraisal questionnaires to fill out. The questions were unsurprising, ‘What qualities do you think are necessary to do your job?’ and ‘What training could we give you to make your role better?’

I had butterflies.

There was a tricky question on page 2. ‘Have you any experience connected to your work which we are unaware of?’ I was reminded of my blogs, Boutros Boutros Ghali and Money Talks, where HOWARD promoted me to legal assistant and gave me a pay rise. I agonised about whether I should tell my new firm that I’d worked for six months more independently, taking statements and doing simple legal work under my own initiative.

I’d come to see appraisals as little more than an exploitative tool for anyone prone to workplace bullying. But it dawned on me that it’s not just appraisals which are open to exploitation. Positive aspects of work can be manipulated too, even promotions and pay rises. In my case, it was to enable HOWARD to treat me like a charity case, engage in inappropriate violent and sexual personal jokes when he was supposed to be one-to-one training me and then demoting me at the drop of a hat. Unless you’ve been targeted by a workplace bully – such things are pretty hard to understand.

I know what’s going to be brought up in my assessment - my distant behaviour and my reluctance to talk about anything remotely personal. I beat them to the punch – stating that I realise I’m a little quiet at times and intend to improve my communication in work.

It’s funny really – when I can’t spend enough spare time communicating about work.

BBTB x

WEEK 124 Slow Burn

2011-01-03T11:52:00.000Z

I don’t know about you, but for me it’s a psychological slow burn going the New Year, especially when the departing year was a trial in itself.

I met OLLIE’S ex-secretary on New Years Eve for mulled wine and mince pies. We sat in her back garden burning kindling in an old barbeque bucket to keep warm. She confessed she’s not feeling optimistic. The Prime Minister says it’s going to be a ‘difficult’ year too; job cuts leading to escalating employment anxiety. I thought for a second about packing the blog in. Has it helped anyone? Has it changed anything?

Sometimes I’m plain daft. As the smoke rose from her makeshift heater, I realised the blog saved me. And it’s changed me forever. The fire isn’t out yet, and this year may see the economic climate fanning those flames.

So I’ll be here in 2011 to stand next to for a bit of warmth, if you feel the need.

Happy New Year.
Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 123 Learning Curve

2010-12-28T07:37:00.000Z

I’ve been thinking about some of the changes I made in 2010.

Instigating any kind of change when your confidence is at rock bottom is unspeakably hard. And the longer we work in toxic environments, the more we come to believe we are powerless to improve our position. We hang our heads and tell ourselves we can’t change our situation because a potential employer will spot our lack of confidence a mile away. We tell ourselves we’re trapped because of financial considerations, or because we haven’t the strength to retrain. We remind ourselves of our obligations and promise ourselves we’ll make that leap when we’re feeling braver or when a new job somehow finds us.

It’s understandable, but when we break it down – it’s the philosophy of defeat. If this is how you are feeling, then it’s time to start job hunting today.

If I learned anything from changing jobs after workplace bullying, it’s that we won’t feel any braver until we do something brave.

Good luck for 2011.

BBTB x

WEEK 122 Positive or Negative

2010-12-22T08:09:00.001Z

OLLIE’S old secretary isn’t adjusting well.

It seemed like a good idea when my boss said she’d start the week before Christmas, but now I think it was a mistake. She should have started in the New Year.

Some of the fee earners are in meltdown about getting their work completed before the holidays, regardless of staff shortages due to weather and illness. As happens in many offices, the guys and girls at the top turn into divas with the skeleton staff who are left, pulling rank on each other and cracking the whip to get their work done.

Enter OLLIE’S ex-secretary, already suffering with psoriasis with the anxiety of working for a private firm of solicitors again. She’s going through what I did when I started; that terrible paranoia that they’re all the same as our old firm.

I’m trying to calm her fears before she’s pulled up for having a bad attitude. There’s a world of difference between solicitors suffering from holiday stress and people like HOWARD and PHILIP at our old firm. OLLIE’S secretary is too panicked to see it at the moment – but she’ll get there.

We’ve both had a very tough couple of years, but I’m full of hope for 2011. It’s going to be a great year. I’ll help OLLIE’S secretary put the past behind her and get that book of mine published. I told her “We won’t be here next year. I’ll be writing more books and you’ll have your dream job in marketing.”

It’s our choice whether to use the indignant anger and hurt caused by workplace bullying for positive or negative. We can let it destroy our future opportunities or strive to show our bullying bosses what we’re made of. It’s not easy – but there’s still a level of choice there.

Let’s prove them wrong.

It’s not a bad resolution for 2011.

Merry Christmas. BBTB x

WEEK 121 Let Them Eat Cake

2010-12-16T08:02:00.000Z

I’m feeling a bit down today.

I was hoping to end the year on a high – by finding a publisher to agree to take on my workplace bullying survival guide before Christmas. Whilst I’m stewing in my own juice, I’ll share a funny Christmassy workplace bullying event from last year.

Next week, I’m giving my new boss a Christmas cake, a bottle of mulled wine and some of my delicious homemade cranberry and chilli sauce.

It’s the first time I’ve gone for shop-bought Christmas cake. The collection of 6 inch tins and mixing bowls under my sink tell a different story of Christmas past. I used to make my own rich iced fruit cakes and give them away in pretty Christmas boxes, along with a good bottle of mulled wine. It’s something I’ve been doing for years, until HOWARD came into the mix.

Last year, having ignored his present for a couple of days, HOWARD declared he was giving it to the person he’d pulled out as Secret Santa, because he didn’t like the flavour of Rohipnol cake. I ignored him. A week later, HOWARD announced he’d given it to his mother, because he didn’t like her anymore than he did me.

Naturally, I took no notice. A gift is a gift.

I forgot all about it.

So you can imagine my surprise when my festive baking came up in their ET3 Grounds of Resistance filed at the Employment Tribunal. I was accused of deliberately putting HOWARD on my Christmas cake list. He had, he alleged, made it quite clear he hated Christmas cake with a passion. I had, nevertheless, maliciously presented him with the offending article.

This was all news to me.

I couldn’t help laughing at this part of the ET3. It sums HOWARD up. Even if he didn’t like Christmas cake, the label read, ‘To HOWARD and family at Christmas.’ It was also for his wife and children.

I can’t quite abandon my tradition of cake and wine at Christmas – but you can’t be too careful, when you’re baking for lawyers. I’m going to err on the side of caution and let M&S do it on my behalf.

Merry Christmas.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 120 Letter to Santa

2010-12-11T07:08:00.002Z

Stephen King wrote in his non-fiction book On Writing that you can tell if your book is up to publication standard by the kind of rejections you get from publishers. London publishing houses are too busy to give feedback to everyone who writes in with a proposal. There are many reasons why they might not wish to publish it, including changes in their chosen genre, marketing concerns and finances etc.

The two main types of rejection are as follows:-

Bad news rejection: A standard letter with a photocopied signature.

Good news rejection: An editor who liked it enough to write back personally.

I’m only telling you this so you understand why I’m so happy that my workplace bullying book proposal has been rejected three times this week. I’m celebrating because, although those publishing houses rarely publish self-help, here are two examples of the feedback I’ve been getting:-

“I found the writing to be compelling and inspirational...Please do continue to send us any ideas you think we might find appropriate.”

“I really loved your eloquent writing style, and you have a lot of really interesting things to say about workplace bullying – a topic which, as you point out, is not mentioned nearly enough in this country.”

Obviously, they’re still rejection letters but I’m even more hopeful that my book will get there. In fact, I’m thinking of enclosing all these letters to Santa and telling him all I’m looking for is a YES on the bottom.

Come on, Santa. BBTB has been a VERY good girl this year.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 119 Christmas Cracker

2010-12-08T07:00:00.004Z

Getting more and more panicky about the work Christmas party, I thought it best to have a chat with my boss and explain I couldn’t go. He knows I get nervous sometimes. I apologised and, again, said it had nothing to do with my new firm.

“What if you knew you had a friend going?” he asked.

OLLIE’S secretary has accepted the job. I instantly felt better. Even though she didn’t witness what I went through at the last Christmas party (having been bullied out months prior) she hadn’t been surprised to hear the jokes I’d been subjected to. There were so many jokes at my expense, I recorded only a handful in last year’s Christmas party blog. There were gems I left out, such as my taking my place in my best party dress as HOWARD told people:-

“Appearance wise - she’s the equivalent of a street van burger. Okay from a distance but close up its disgusting, the fat content makes you feel nauseous and you’re forever sorry you ever went near it.”

He’d also gone through a production persuading people to swap seats because he couldn’t eat whilst looking at me. Apparently - I put him off his food.

Thinking it was hilarious, a property lawyer exchanged chairs with him.

That’s why I didn’t want to go to the Christmas party. I’ve more than paid my dues in respect of pretending I’m having a good time when, inside, I want the ground to swallow me up. But there’s something about Christmas; and there’s something about goodwill to all men and all that jazz. I’m going to try and put it behind me. I told my new boss I’ll give it a go.

I’m just praying the only bad jokes I hear this year are pulled from crackers.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 118 Word of Mouth

2010-12-04T08:09:00.000Z

On Thursday, I was delighted to hear OLLIE’S secretary was called in for an interview. My boss had a chat with me about her. I said how hard working she was. He called up her CV.

“Seems she’s following you around. I didn’t realise she was working at your old firm. For some reason she’s used the company initials instead of the firm name.”

“I can’t imagine why,” I replied. I couldn’t help smiling.

I’m cagey talking about my old firm, even though my boss has heard a number of unpleasant things on the grapevine anyway. He said once the interview was over I could pop down and see my old friend. As promised, he came up with his colleague at 4pm and said they were done, if I wanted a quick chat. His colleague stopped me and said she couldn’t believe what she’d heard about my old firm; PHILIP’S swearing, his terrible tempers and his throwing things etc. I didn’t say too much.

I ran down and saw OLLIE’S secretary. She explained they’d asked about our old firm and, not bound as I am by confidentiality, she saw no point in lying. My boss asked her if the things he’d heard were true. She agreed – PHILIP’S management style was similar to Basil Fawlty– and he allowed other fee earners to behave how they liked.

It’s not my word of mouth, or OLLIE’S secretary’s, that shocks people – it’s PHILIP’S own word of mouth and HOWARD’S own word of mouth. I’ll stick by the confidentially clause I’m bound to, but these firms that promote swearing, abuse and bullying don’t seem to realise how badly it’s their own word of mouth damaging their companies.

The subsequent confidentiality agreements keep the wrong staff silent.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 117 Candid Camera

2010-12-01T07:10:00.000Z

The only thing that still bothers me, psychologically speaking, is that HOWARD’S left me with rock bottom self esteem concerning my appearance.

I’m not very good at analysing what’s in the mirror. It’s like it’s been airbrushed by HOWARD. A-symmetry is accentuated. I now have a borderline phobia about how I may or may not resemble a Springer Spaniel.

This may sound weird, but when I’m in those moments when I’m really paranoid about how I look – I’ll take a couple of pictures on my digital camera to see my real image. It’s not as crazy as it sounds. The camera shows me someone pretty normal. Not conventionally attractive granted – but I’ll happily take normal over HOWARD’S awful exaggerating.

I trust the camera.

Then my IT friend, who helps me with website or blog restructuring, popped in last week. He’s a good guy, you know, the kind of person who’d put themselves out for anyone. With me, he’s always concerned about my lack of confidence and he hit on a bright idea to give me a boost.

“You should try working as a TV and film extra!” he said.

He was certain it would bring me out of my shell and be tons of fun. So yesterday I signed up for two casting agents to work as a film and TV extra. It’s a brilliant idea. Even if I get the very occasional bit of work – it’ll be worth it for my confidence.

It takes a bit of work to bounce back from workplace bullying, but who’s to say that work can’t be hanging around on a film/TV set, bringing in a bit of money and giving you a self esteem boost at the same time.

And the best thing is - they say the camera never lies. Now that’s refreshing.

I’ll keep you updated.
Best wishes
BBTB x

WEEK 116 Can't Bully Me

2010-11-27T07:55:00.000Z

I hope you saw the BBC Three documentary, Can’t Bully Me, which followed four youngsters as they tried to overcome the traumatic effects of bullying, with the help of the Red Balloon organisation.

It was very emotional. I wouldn’t wish what I went through on my worst enemy, let alone children. But it was a program of light and shade. The support the children got from Red Balloon was amazing. In fact, I took some of their advice myself yesterday.

Still unable to go to the work Christmas party, colleagues are curious. It’s only a week away now. As they discussed their dresses and gave me questioning looks, I felt under pressure to go. But I know full well, if I force myself, it will trigger a string of panic attacks. Work mates imagine I don't want to go because of a previous Christmas indiscretion. How can I explain it's because I'm terrified of being bullied and humiliated because of the way I look?

And that’s the reminder I got from Red Balloon. It’s to employ of patience. If something makes me very anxious – then that’s the way it is for the time being.

Another thing I learned is that at some point, I’m going to start looking into school bullying too. Those brave children from Can’t Bully Me taught me a lot. Maybe one day I can return the favour and give something back.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 115 Family Familiar

2010-11-24T17:56:00.000Z

Job identity is a powerful thing.

How many times have you worked with someone curt, driven and disinterested, only to find them the height of charm at social events?

I’ve known loads of people like this. The kind of people about whom colleagues whisper, “You should see her when she’s out! She’s a different person.”

I started thinking about this when a solicitor said, “It’s strange. Giving a client a dressing down isn’t difficult when I’m wearing the guise of a solicitor, but I wouldn’t dream of addressing someone in the same manner if I was representing myself.”

It made me consider how the employment roles we adopt often alter our behaviour completely, not only with clients or customers, but also the people we work with. We can be one person in work and someone entirely different off the clock.

Whilst we all compartmentalise, we should be mindful of ourselves when we do. We must resist, as far as possible, sacrificing our individuality for a generic job identity. It’s a short step from being curt, driven and disinterested to being outright rude to colleagues when the heat is on. And even targets of workplace bullying can succumb to the stereotypical labels directed at them and accept them as some sort of personal definition.

The goal, perhaps, is to be the kind of person in work your family and friends would still recognise if they chose to spend a day with you.

It’s extremely important, even if it is easier said than done.

Best wishes

BBTB x

WEEK 114 Catch Up

2010-11-20T07:15:00.000Z

I never lost contact with OLLIE’S secretary from my old firm.

It was around this time last year that I carried her possessions home in a cardboard box. She’d left a ton of stuff behind when PHILIP had bullied her into signing on the sick. I gathered up her 2 pairs of shoes, her Walkers multi-pack, thick black cardigan, personal stationary, mobile phone holder, calendar, biscuits, tins of leek and potato soup, her paperbacks and snack-pack of assorted nuts. I crammed them in an archive box. Then I wobbled all the way to her house, trying to keep it steady as the rain fell.

It was impossible not to get upset.

She’s had a tough time since. She was ill for a few months, when her weight plummeted to 7 stone due to the stress. Then she had to work 7 days a week (days, evenings and weekends) to make up for her lost earnings. Finally, she got a good temporary job. She was on the mend. But last week they announced they’re letting their temporary workers go because of the cuts.

It’s not official yet, but there’s a permanent job coming up at my firm. I told her on the QT to get her CV in. They’re giving her an interview soon. I’m keeping everything crossed.

It’ll be my pleasure to help her unpack her cardboard box somewhere nice.

And the above sentence pretty much defines my ambition for us all.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK 113 If It's For You...

2010-11-17T08:05:00.000Z

I’m forever reminding myself of the phrase, “If it’s for you – it won’t get by you.”

I tend to go after things like a Jack Russell. I exhaust myself working to obtain something - when sometimes it’s more sensible to trust these things will to come to you.

I was all ‘terrier’ in collecting evidence against HOWARD.

Then yesterday, out of the blue, I had a text from HOWARD’S first secretary. He’d always got on pretty well with her. She’d had a clear out and came across some paperwork from a couple of years ago. It included a couple of friendly e-mail exchanges between her and HOWARD. However, there were one or two serious ones, where he’d enquired with reference to me, “What the f*ck have I done to upset her now?” HOWARD’S secretary politely indicates that it’s his habit of standing over my desk for hours on end insulting me that does it.

There are also other e-mails where he’s sarcastic following publicly humiliating me. “I hope she’s not f**cking crying again!” he writes.

HOWARD’S first secretary asked me if I wanted them for evidence. She’s heard about my Tribunal attempt. It’s a gift. Although I’m not taking them to Tribunal, these e-mails are essential to back up my workplace bullying credentials.

If I’ve learnt one thing it’s that no amount of dogged, persistent lies by workplace bullies can keep the truth hidden for long.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK 112 Opportunity Knocks

2010-11-13T06:47:00.001Z

It’s been a tough end to the week for my parents. They arrived home on Thursday to find they’d been burgled.

My mother took it the hardest. She felt the thieves might have been watching the house. She believed they’d been deliberately targeted. She wracked her brains as to whether they’d done something to make them stand out from the other houses in the street. She agonised over whether if she’d done this, that or the other – it wouldn’t have happened.

When the police arrived, they painted a different picture. They knew for sure the thieves had leaned on any number of doors until they found one that gave. It was impersonal and non specific. It was that simple. As night fell, the burglars had worked their way down the numbers and got lucky.

The police made my mum feel better. Not just because they agreed my parent’s house is now reinforced like Fort Knox, but because they’ve stopped her blaming herself. She realised she wasn’t asking for it to happen. It’s just one of those unpleasant facts of life.

The whole thing resonated with the way I look at workplace bullying. We spend inordinate amounts of time wondering what we did wrong. But I believe it’s more a case of the pressured boss or colleague working their way down the numbers. When they lean on someone without the neighbourhood objecting, it’s their choice whether they take the opportunity to destroy whatever you’ve got.

Opportunity may knock, but opportunists don’t.

So you mustn’t blame yourself if you didn’t see it coming till it was too late.

Best wishes,

BBTB x

WEEK112 Remembrance Day

2010-11-11T06:20:00.002Z

I’m taking today out as a mark of respect for those the brave souls who fought and died for our country and those still fighting for it too. So today I’m going to keep it simple and leave you with the words of Winston Churchill:-

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

Wise words for all of us.

Best wishes,

BBTB x