One Step at a Time

The original reason I was targeted was because I’d just had a novel published. It was followed by invitations for local radio and newspaper interviews. I did book readings and book signings, began work on a second book and taught a few creative writing workshops. This was very exciting. But that’s how it started. Howard, perhaps thinking I was getting above myself as a secretary, began to make jokes that I was terrible writer. He’d hold my book up and read it aloud, mockingly. It was like having my own personal troll. He said he'd buy copies of my book instead of Andrex toilet roll. And before long, his humiliating jokes encompassed everything about me. 

Although I threw my efforts into the blog and my non-fiction book, I doubted I’d write fiction again. I accepted that some things were lost. Only two things out of all the abuse I took really stayed with me – a concern that I was ugly and a belief that I was terrible at fiction.

But thanks to some wonderful friends who have inspired me and encouraged me to write fiction again, I have a 70,000 word manuscript for my second fictional book. Not only that, but this week I have won a place on a mentoring programme – awarded to those who show outstanding potential and my manuscript is currently being considered by a publisher. 

I could mourn the fact that this might have happened 5 years earlier if it weren’t for Howard, but I’m just overjoyed I’ve managed to regain some of what was lost. Having come this far, who knows where I’ll end up? I’m so determined. Not only did they make absolutely no difference (other than making the process take longer), but they added fuel to the fire. Perhaps this is the greatest lesson of all – there is nothing like showing them what you’re made of. 

I felt it was important to share this with you, because I truly believed this kind of recovery was impossible. But you can recover and you’ll never allow it to happen again. 

One step at a time is what it takes – it all adds up. 

Best wishes

BBTB x

Cyber Bullying Resource - ecrime

Around 4 years ago, the charity director of the National Bullying Helpline, Christine Pratt, was so angered by Downing Street’s denial of a bullying culture (having listened to 4 calls from No 10 staff) that she confirmed her helpline had itself taken calls from No 10.  
 

I followed the story at the time, thinking that the subject of workplace bullying would be launched into the media spotlight, but what followed was an argument over whether Mrs Pratt had the right to speak her mind as she had. 

One year later in the winter of 2010, the National Bullying Helpline ceased to be a charity, despite its 13 year history of listening to up to 30 calls a day. Following the Downing Street revelation, funding was badly affected. Talk about rough justice, I thought, when Britain has its fair share of horribly run business where angry outbursts are a daily occurrence. No-one was cutting off the funding to those businesses. No-one was giving them a hard time or putting them through trial by media. 

In an extraordinary show of strength, Christine Pratt didn’t give up. After taking time to recover from her ordeal, she decided to run the National Bullying Helpline as a voluntary organisation, free to the majority and levying a small charge to those who asked for extra legal work to be arranged.

I was amazed Christine and the National Bullying Helpline survived and I empathised with what she went through. At the time of her troubles, I had been going through my own terrible ordeal. Like Christine, I’ve had my own subsequent challenges with people trying to shut me down.

Now, as she launches her much needed e-crime website (www.ecrime-action.co.uk) a resource for those experiencing any kind of cyber-bullying, she is going from strength to strength.  

In a world that fails to fully recognise workplace bullying and where advice is so often questionable - from ignorance about cyber bullying to being motivated by money or a desire to shut the complainant up as soon as possible – communication between organisations is essential. We need to be ready to offer the best help and assistance to those targets taking the brave step of reaching out for the first time.

 

Best wishes to Christine and congratulations too.

BBTB x

All You Need is Love

This week, it occurred to me how often people say they love their job. This is a great thing in this economic climate, but what is puzzling is that these people are often in contact with me because they are experiencing bullying at work.

I hear it a lot. And they usually follow it up by saying how unfair it is that they have toxic colleagues. My response would be – it is unfair, but employees should take care not to compartmentalise. 

We must take our jobs as a whole – measuring pay, culture, colleagues and the management style we have to work with as well as the nature of our own particular job. I get the impression that when people are being bullied at work but still say: ‘I love my job,’ what they mean is they love one or two aspects of their job.

It’s very easy to over-focus on this good part and resent the fact that we’re not left alone to enjoy it, but this, of course, is no accident. Whoever put the company together and created those lovely, interesting jobs also hired all the other staff or put bad management in place.

The good news is, if you’ve found a job you love doing, then you know what works for you. You can’t buy that sort of enthusiasm. There will be other companies you can work successfully for. Similar jobs can and will be found elsewhere – but you can leave those toxic colleagues behind. Do that, and at some point you may be able to say wholeheartedly that you love your job: every bit of it. 

Very best

BBTB