After Howard spent his lunch internet shopping and changing his life insurance, he asked me if I had any life insurance.
“No”, I said.
“Who’s your home insurance with then?”
“I don’t have anything like that either”.
Howard stared, open mouthed.
“I rent. My furniture’s rented.”
Howard doubled over laughing. “That’s so sad,” he roared.
He wiped his eyes and looked round to see if anyone else was listening. I kicked myself and tried to save face.
“I don’t really believe in all that materialistic nonsense,” I said. “Like Michael Landy...I saw a programme about him. He did this art installation, Diminishing Returns, where he put all his stuff on a conveyor belt and fed it into a shredder. It was brilliant...I mean, it’s terrifying and brave and brilliant and – "
“Jesus – there’s something wrong with you!”
“But can you imagine? All of your things? Appliances, furniture, everything personal...gone.”
“You’re a...a gypo...a - freak,” he said. He spilt a little coffee on his shirt. He dropped half the file he was looking at on the floor.
Howard's duplicate Counsel’s Advice was on my desk to be shredded. I wheeled the office shredder over and plugged it in.
“Why are you doing that now?” he asked. “You’ve got typing to do. You’re slow enough as it is. It’s like watching a Daisy Wheel.” Howard milled his arms. “You type like you’re in a gay fight. You’re the only secretary who’d be faster just using two fingers.”
The machine drowned him out, allowing a pleasant day-dream where he fell in the shredder.
See you soon
Eva x
1 comment:
Know what I think about what he said?
If HE stood up to his bullying wife and lost his marriage, HE would lose all his stuff in the divorce settlement.
Being a shallow creep, HE'd be destroyed by what he now believes YOU would regard as little more than extreme de-cluttering!
You didn't set out to, but you turned the tables on him today. He bullied HIMSELF.
Post a Comment