Boutros Boutros Ghali

I really hoped, given my pay rise and extra responsibility, things might work out. My desk move happened quickly, nobody made a fuss and Howard was pretty quiet.

Sadly, yesterday he was back to his old self. I couldn’t escape from it at lunch either. I still had to answer the overflow telephone calls from reception.

I’d completely forgotten to use the Dictaphone I’d bought as an aide memoire. While Howard was chatting to the Office Manager, I tried to understand the manual and how to work the machine. I’m not great with technology. I’d just about given up when Howard returned. Knowing he’d laugh at my incompetence, I chucked the Dictaphone in my bag.

The remainder of the day was horrible. Before going home, he said he could say and do whatever he wanted to me now. When I asked what gave him that idea he pointed out there are still no jobs around.

"And look what happened to Ollie's secretary," he said.

I don’t need reminding. I've got a box of her personal possessions under my desk. Philip, who’d never warmed to her, had bullied her into a breakdown - then threatened to sack her if she came back. She’d been replaced with an equally tearful temp.

It was only when got home, I realised the Dictaphone had been recording. It registered 37.33 minutes. It shouldn’t have heard anything from the inside of my bag but I was curious so I plugged it into Windows Media Player.

It was 37.33 minutes of my lunch. There’s nothing at first… then Howard's voice telling everyone I’m gay. He tries to convince them for about 10 minutes. Everyone’s laughing. I deny it. I tell them I was married. HOWARD changes tack, talking about how ugly I am. Other staff can be heard laughing. Howard tries to persuade them to agree. Again, I repeat over and over that I’m not gay and neither am I ugly. Scornful, he asks a series of personal questions about my family, which I’m reluctant to answer. Are they are as ugly as I am? Or are they uglier? All the time, I'm trying to eat lunch and answer the phone.

Then Howard tells me on the recording, over the giggling in the background, that I’m not to get upset later because he says I’m ugly. He’s sick of me crying about it. He does his new impression of me as Beaker from The Muppet Show.

“I’m sick of you getting upset” he says, “and I have to do my Boutros Boutros Ghali bit.”

Not wanting to hear more, I switched off Windows Media Player. It was a mistake to listen to it. How naïve was I to think I could be a fee earner or to think I have a future with this company.

What I’d heard gave me nightmares last night. I woke up after one bad dream where Howard was pressing against me, holding my wrists down against the desk and telling me I’m sacked if I don’t type what he tells me. He leans on me and forces my wrists down harder so I can’t move…I woke up shouting for him to leave me alone.

I have to find another job soon!

So much for him being Boutros Boutros Ghali.

Eva x